Fashion Criminal of the Year, 2008: Jodie Marsh

Spl68960_0061 And so another year of Fashion Crime-fighting draws (almost) to a close. The Fashion Police will, of course, be back to fight crimes in 2009, but first we must consider one important question: who was the biggest fashion criminal of 2008?

To this, we feel there is only one answer: Jodie Marsh.

Now, every time we arrest Jodie Marsh, we’re accused of shooting fish in a barrel, and we have to confess: it’s a fair comment. Being the Fashion Police, though, we don’t feel we can just ignore Ms Marsh and her transgressions, especially when she works so hard to get our attention.

There is one outfit alone, however, that would have won Jodie the title of Fashion Criminal of the Year, even if she’d spent the rest of 2008 being the epitome of style. That outfit is the one she wore to her 30th birthday party, and we’ve put it below the jump because, be warned, this image is not safe for work. Or, indeed, for any other viewing really, but here we go anyway…


In fairness to Jodie, we must point out that this appears to have been a costume party, so she is probably in "fancy" dress. Even so, though, we can’t help but feel there’s really NEVER an excuse to be out in public dressed like this, don’t you? And so this one outfit earns her the title of Fashion Criminal of the Year. If you think someone else was more deserving of the title, however, you can leave us a comment with your suggestion!

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Fashion Criminal: Bjork in Lanvin


Way back in August of last year we identified this Lanvin dress as a crime of fashion. This is why.

Bjork? I’m afraid we’re going to have to ask you to accompany us down to the station…

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Fashion Criminal: Jamie Winstone is all white on the night


Jamie Winstone is apparently a British actress. We mention this, not just for the benefit of those of you who haven’t heard of her, but because I guess there’s an outside chance she was in costume when this picture was taken. Or, you know, getting into character as Madonna-in-the-eighties or Sharon-Stone-in-a-white-jumpsuit. Because that’s what this looks like, doesn’t it? A white jumpsuit, I mean.  It’s either that or it’s some heinous white pants/white basque/white bolero combo, and either way, it’s not looking good, is it? I mean, we’ll accept some eighties fashion statements, like leggings and leg-warmers, but we just can’t learn to love the white, tapered leg jump suit. (We’d also take issue with the "wearing dark glasses at night" fashion crime, but I think we have enough to deal with here as it is). Can you?

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Fashion Criminal: Brooke Hogan. Again.


Since we last arrested Brooke Hogan for crimes against fashion, I regret to say that I am no further forward in my quest to find out who the hell she actually is. At this point, though, it hardly matters, because if crimes of fashion really were punishable by law, it’s clear to me that this one dress would get Brooke here put away for a very long time. A Fashion Criminal of the Year in the making for sure…

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Fashion Criminal: Mandy Moore and her nipple-accentuating dress


I stumbled across this picture of Mandy Moore fairly randomly, so I have no idea how current it is, but I’m sure you’ll agree there was just no way we could turn a blind eye to a fashion crime of this magnitude. Now, as far as fashion goes, nipples just don’t exist. Or they shouldn’t, anyway. If we can see your nipples, you’re doing something wrong. Do you hear that, Mandy? Are you taking notes?

This dress doesn’t just reveal Mandy’s nipples, though: oh no, its crime is far worse than that – this dress actually draws attention to them. It’s like, "Hi! We’re Mandy’s nipples! Lookit us! Wanna play?" Someone throw the girl a cardigan, quick!

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Fashion Criminal: Sarah Jessica Parker and the oversized dress


Quick, someone call The Fashion Police, Sarah Jessica Parker is being mugged by a dress! Oh no, wait…. we are The Fashion Police. OK, well, Sarah Jessica? Honey? I know you’re, like, this famous fashionista and all, but let me share with you one of The Fashion Police’s top fashion tips. It’s this: no matter what you wear, you have to make sure it fits you properly. Now, this dress may well be the right size for you, I don’t know. The fact is, it looks too big, and if it looks too big, well, it may as well be too big. I mean, lookit your tiny little pinhead and your huge, Popeye arms! Now, we all know you don’t actually have a tiny little pin head or gigantic Popeye arms, so that must mean there’s something very wrong with this dress. And there is.

Love the shoes, though.

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