Crimes of Fashion, Jeans

Don’t Mess With Denim: Dolce & Gabbana’s lace jeans

We’re sick and tired of people trying to mess with denim. LEAVE DENIM ALONE, people. It doesn’t deserve it. Denim has done nothing to harm anyone. Well, except this girl, obviously:

She’s certainly being damaged by denim. (Or rather WE are, because this image cannot be unseen now. Sorry.) It’s like it just up and attacked her one fine day, isn’t it? You could also argue, however, that it’s not denim which has damaged her, but her who has damaged the denim, and that she therefore has brought this upon herself. THIS is what happens when you mess with the natural order denim, readers.  Treat it well and it will treat you well in return. Take scissors to it and cut giant holes out of its butt cheeks, and you’ll find your bare ass on  If this doesn’t prove our point, then nothing will.

Denim, you see, is not meant to be messed with. It’s one of those things that can be our very best friend, if we let it – where would we be without our favourite pair of jeans, for instance?, the ones that fit perfectly and always make us feel good when we pull them on?  Treat denim badly, however, by chopping it up, adding bits of “bling”, or trying to turn it into something it just doesn’t want to turn into, and denim will turn out to be the worst enemy you ever had. Look at what happened to these three, for instance, when they got on the wrong side of denim:

Not pretty, is it?

Denim doesn’t want to have pieces of flair attached to it. It doesn’t want to be acid washed, or given fringes and pleats and all kinds of fancy accessories. It definitely doesn’t want to be “teamed” with MOAR DENIM. You can see what happens when you try to bend it to your will in this way.

Denim needs to be kept simple. Classic. Simple washes. Minimal ripping and shredding – in fact, this kind of thing really needs to happen naturally, or to at least LOOK like it happened naturally, for it to work. Definitely no drop crotches, or appliques, or, God-forbid, embroidery or transfers. Remember the 90s, and those “Flinstones” jeans people used to wear? Do you want to go back to that again? DO you?

What we’re trying to say here is that these Dolce & Gabanna lace jeans may not look too bad now.

You may even be looking at them and thinking, “Well, honestly, it’s ABOUT TIME someone did something interesting with denim! A bit of lace is edgy, and not in the least bit “Madonna in the Like A Virgin video.”

Give denim an inch, though, and it’ll take a mile. Before you know what happened, this will be you:

And you wouldn’t want THAT now, would you?

(The Dolce & Gabbana jeans are sold out at The rest of the items are all under lock and key in the Fashion Police jail. This includes Britney and Justin. They’re up for parole in… they’re never up for parole.)

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