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Archive for the ‘Crimes of Fashion’ Category
Thursday, March 11th, 2010
First, Henrik Vibskov created a harem jumpsuit:
Then Henrik realised the errors of his ways. “Quick!” he thought, “Cover the crotch! Before The Fashion Police see it and decide to make it the Ugly Harem Pant of the Day!” So Henrik DID cover the crotch:
By attaching SLEEVES* to it. And The Fashion Police DID make it the Ugly Harem Pant of the Day. Well, come on: four sleeves on one item of clothing, we couldn’t just ignore it, could we? If you can’t either, it’s £214 here.
*OK, so they’re not actually sleeves, but they do seem to be designed to create the impression of another garment tied around the waist…
Wednesday, March 10th, 2010
 Very tall girls beware! If your body happens to be a little longer than average, we’re thinking the holes in this Danielle Scutt dress could end up in some rather embarrassing places:
You wouldn’t want to go commando in it, let’s put it that way.
Would you want to wear it at all, though, we wonder? The current trend, after all, is for clothes which have large chunks of them missing, so maybe this is right up your street. If it is, it’s £50 and it’s available at Topshop.
Wednesday, March 10th, 2010
 Ouch to the Slouch Floral slouch clogs: now there’s three words you don’t often want to see in the same product description, do you?
Add the phrase “peep toe” to that, and we think these Irregular Choice boots are looking at some serious time in the Fashion Police slammer, but what do YOU think? Do you want to plead their innocence before we come to take them away? Speak now, readers, or forever hold your peace…
[Thanks to Elizabeth for the report!]
Wednesday, March 10th, 2010
 Harem Shants As harem pants go, these are far from the worst we’ve seen. In fact, in a Wear or Die type of situation, we may even find ourselves picking these over another pair of drop-crotches, purely because the “harem” part is made of mesh, and is therefore that little bit less noticeable than a regular ol’ saggy pant.
Why does the mesh overlay exist then? You may well ask. But we wouldn’t be able to answer, because we have no idea why you’d need a pair of pants with another pair of pants (albeit sheer ones) sewn over the top of them. We’d also have to disappoint you if you were hoping to buy these, because they’re currently sold out at ASOS.com, who were selling them for $170. Keep checking back, though – you never know your luck!
 Technically, it should be impossible for a pair of dropped-crotch pants to have a camel toe. In fact, that’s probably the only good point the harem pant has.
Once again, however, Rick Owens has managed to bring camel toe to the unlikeliest of garments.
There’s actually a weird kind of talent to that, somehow. And if he can persuade people to part with £455 for these, then he’s even MORE talented than we thought. And possibly dangerous.
[Product Page]
Miu Miu are at it again. They tried to convince us that aprons were skirts once before, and even although we didn’t buy it then, they’ve decided there’s no harm in trying to pull the wool over our eyes again, and are marketing the item you see above as a “skirt”, while charging £455/ $684 for it.
Miu Miu, NO. That’s not a “skirt”. That’s a belt with a couple of bits of material hanging from it. It reminds us of nothing so much as a makeshift dressing room, or those curtained-off cubicles you get in hospital wards. What it DOESN’T remind us off is a SKIRT, and when your clothes don’t even REMIND you of clothes, you know you’re probably in trouble with the Fashion Police.
This is your second warning on this issue, Miu Miu: please, let’s end this madness now! It doesn’t have to be like this!
 Sometimes it’s not enough to have a saggy butt and low-slung crotch in your day-to-day life. Sometimes you want to be able to look like that at the beach/pool, too, and luckily for you, this Zimmermann jumpsuit (sorry, “shumpsuit” – it IS sheer, after all) is here to help you do it!
This is actually supposed to be worn as a swimsuit coverup, but will people take heed of that, and refrain from wearing it AWAY from the waterside? Of COURSE they won’t. Hopefully the $450 price tag will put some of them off, though…
[Thanks to Brie for the report!]
Thursday, March 4th, 2010
 Return of the Skouser Remember ‘Skousers’? They’re part trouser, part skirt, and no one – no one – does them quite like Martin Margiela. Thank Gaga for that, eh?
The skousers you see above are special skousers, because rather than sticking to the more usual “mullet” design, with the skirt in the back and the trousers at the front, Margiela has cunningly designed these with the “trouser” on one leg and the “skirt” on the other. We say “cunningly”: you may well have a different word to describe this. Feel free to suggest a few in the comments section.
If you want to be part of the new trouser sensation that’s, er, probably NOT sweeping the nation, meanwhile, head over to Yoox.com, where you can buy these for £215.
Thursday, March 4th, 2010
 "I feel like something's missing...?" Uh-oh. Looks like someone’s played a horrible joke on this poor model, creeping up behind her and snipping a hole in her $1,275 jacket while she wasn’t looking. Kids can be so cruel, can’t they?
The thing that confuses us most about this jacket is that the front is pretty ordinary, and looks like the kind of thing you’d be required to wear if you worked in a bank, say, or some other office with a formal dress code. We doubt those kind of employers would appreciate the gaping hole in the back, though, and while we’re assuming the contrast is supposed to be part of the charm, we’re still seeing a cruel practical joke here.
If you’re seeing something else – something good enough to pay $1,275 for – this is available at Bergdorf Goodman.
Thursday, March 4th, 2010
There is a reason why “rompers” are most often associated with babies and toddlers.
This is that reason.
Actually, this Haute Hippie romper doesn’t make the model look like a toddler so much as it makes her look like someone who forgot to get dressed before leaving the house. We’d have no issue with this as sleepwear, or loungewear, but just in case you needed reminding, throwing a cardigan and some boots on doesn’t miraculously transform a romper into appropriate street attire. Does it?
We’re going to go with “no” as the answer to that question, but if you disagree, you can buy one from Shopbop, where they retail for $145.
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