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Archive for the ‘Crimes of Fashion’ Category
Tuesday, November 10th, 2009
 Skousers Of all of the stuck-together-clothes, in all the closets, in all the world, we think there should be a special place in the Fashion Police jail for the trousers that are attached to skirts. In short, we hate this look. Because it’s not 1994 any more, you know? And even if it was, why would you do this? Trousers with attached tulip skirt? Really, Martin Margiela?
Such is our dislike of these items, we think they need their own blended name, a la “jeggings” and “shresses”. We think we’re going to call them “Skousers”. Not to be confused with “Scousers”, of course:
 A scouser It’s official, then: we’ve created our very own “blended fashion” word! We feel kind of dirty now, to be honest.
Martin Margiela trousers with attached tulip skirt, £435
Monday, November 9th, 2009
 Looking a bit hippy At long last, fashion designers and retailers seem to have cottoned on to the fact that droopy crotches just ain’t flattering.
So they’ve started to give their garments droopy hips, instead.
* headdesk *
This particular example comes from BooHoo.com, who describe the leggings as “animal print”. At least we can take comfort in the fact that they actually just look plain black, eh? Small mercies, readers: small mercies.
[Thanks to Sarah for the report!]
Monday, November 9th, 2009
 Aww, would you look at that! The orphans from Oliver Twist are all grown up! And doing pretty well, too, by the looks of things, because even although these pants look like they’ve just been dragged from the nearest dumpster, they actually have a combined value of £858 / $1,422.
Makes you wish you’d kept those ancient old gardening trousers now, doesn’t it?
There are people in the world who’d happily pay that much for these, though, and if you’re one of them, they’re available at Yoox.com
Monday, November 9th, 2009
Feet just shouldn’t have faces. They have no need of them. Or not as far as we were concerned, anyway. It looks like Dolce & Gabbana disagree, though, because if you wear these suede wedges, you won’t just be two-faced, you’ll be three-faced. You’ll also be kept awake at night by the thought of those creepy faces sitting inside your closet, making the shoes look almost like they’re alive. Alive and about to EAT you. Or maybe that’s just us.
We do like our shoes to have a bit of personality, but these have taken it too far for us, , although we confess that we would be interested to see what they actually look like like on a foot. What do you think of them? If it’s love at first look, and you can’t wait to have them in your life, they’re £709 and you can buy them here.
Monday, November 9th, 2009
 Clothes-That-Are-Stuck-Together This Citizen’s Arrest was made by our own Rock Hyrax, who spotted this classic case of Clothes-That-Are-Stuck-Together in Asda last week.
As Rock says, we don’t tend to expect high fashion from Asda, but that’s no excuse for them to go around thinking its OK to take innocent clothes and stick them together. It’s NOT OK, Asda. We’re perfectly capable of putting blouses and knitwear together ourselves, should we choose to do so.
Thursday, November 5th, 2009
Looks like someone has been trying to get our attention, folks:
 Lady Gaga: looking fierce Sorry, Gaga, we’ve been distracted. Rest assured, though, you’re still our favourite fashion criminal. Also: loving the new “hands always in the same position” thing you’ve got going on here:
(more…)
Thursday, November 5th, 2009
 Isn't Halloween over now? We’d almost resigned ourselves to the existence of jumpsuits. We’d even come across a few in the course of our police work that – whisper it – we didn’t actually hate.
Then this one came along and set the jumpsuit movement back YEARS as far as we’re concerned. Years. It looks like some kind of Halloween costume to us – or an outfit for the villain in some kind of camp dance show. Imagine the model with a handlebar moustache and you’ll maybe understand what we mean. And now we’ve thought about this jumpsuit for much longer than we’d really like, so let’s say no more about it and simply let the record show that it costs £100 from ASOS.
Thursday, November 5th, 2009
 Oh, hai nipples... OK, is it just us, or is this a REALLY unfortunate choice of colour and placement on the pockets? Umm, yeah.
Manoush long-sleeve sweater, £130
Wednesday, November 4th, 2009
Love-handles: they’re the next big thing, apparently. Perhaps literally, depending on your shape. This dress by Aqua Couture seems designed to allow you to flaunt those bad boys: everything else will be (more or less) concealed, but your love handles will be out there, proudly making sure they’re the centre of attention, and the focal point of your whole look.
For some reason, this makes us want to hit the gym, hard. If you have no qualms about showing your sides to the world, the dress is £85 at ASOS.
Wednesday, November 4th, 2009
 The Fashion Police hold these truths to be self-evident:
1. That no one’s flesh looks good pooling out of multiple holes in the fabric of their clothes. No, not even models.
2. That “creatively” ripped jeans always end up looking like you left your clothes in the care of a particularly malicious teenager with a pair of scissors.
3. That these will create some pretty interesting tan lines if you wear them in summer. In winter, welcome to pale blue, mottled flesh. Lovely.
The Fashion Police are starting to feel increasingly alone in this, however, and Tripp NYC in particular seem hell-bent on proving to us that if they make ugly jeans, people will buy them. If you’re one of those people, these are $48 from Karmaloop.
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