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Archive for the ‘Crimes of Fashion’ Category
Wednesday, October 21st, 2009
Just in case you thought it was safe to go back into the shops, here’s the proof that it isn’t: Andrea Crews’ £254 cheetah harem pants. The harem threat isn’t over yet, it would appear.
We think the back view of these is particularly awesome, don’t you? Who doesn’t love some, saggy, cheetah-print butt on a Wednesday morning?
Tuesday, October 20th, 2009
 Lace bellbottoms
You see, this is what happens when you complain too much about leggings and skinny jeans: some designers – and by “some designers” we mean “Kova & T” – will go too far in another direction in their attempt to create something different, and we’ll end up fighting a battle against lace bell bottoms instead. Call us crazy, but we’d rather have the leggings-as-pants, thanks very much.
We’re relieved to see that this Shopbop model is at least wearing (or seems to be wearing) a tiny little thong with her shants, though, but let’s face it: we all know some people just won’t bother, and yes, Tara Palmer-Tomkinson, we ARE looking at you…
Kova & T lace bell bottoms, $165
Tuesday, October 20th, 2009
These jeans make us want to sneak up behind the person wearing them and gently unzip the legs before running away. In fact, we think that’s how the force might just deal with this one -let the punishment fit the crime, we say, and these aren’t quite ugly enough for a stint in the fashion jail.
Or are they?
The back zip jeans by Tripp NYC, $50
Tuesday, October 20th, 2009
Yes, the cult of the trashy dress has taken a firm hold on the world of fashion, people. A dress just isn’t a dress any more unless it reveals at least one item of underwear, and preferably two. We’re just left wondering what on earth strippers and Katie Price are going to wear in the future, if the rest of us are all prancing around more or less in our underwear all the time? How will we be able to distinguish between hookers and fashionistas? Won’t someone please think of the strippers?!
Arsdorf Jersey bra dress, £214, MyCatwalk.com
Friday, October 16th, 2009
 Tara Palmer-Tomkinson Really? We’re still doing this? This whole, “I’m actually naked, but you can’t say anything about it, because I’m wearing a shress in a bizarre attempt to create the illusion of modesty” thing? Because, the thing about that is, it’s not really much of an illusion, really, is it? And in the case of Tara Palmer-Tomkinson here (English heiress and party girl, for the benefit of those of you who’ve never heard of her), we have to ask: what was the point of the dress? Why not just go out naked? (NOT THAT WE’RE ADVOCATING THAT) It would serve exactly the same purpose, but cost a whole lot less…
Friday, October 16th, 2009
Yeah, OK, fashion designers, the joke’s over: all of this 80s-inspired crap we’ve been putting up with for the past few years has GOT TO STOP. Especially now that a batwing denim jacket has been allowed to come into existence. Seriously, a BATWING DENIM JACKET. They wouldn’t even have allowed that in the actual 80s, never mind these pseudo 80s we’re living through now.
Oh, and while we’re on the subject of the 80s:
Now, the pink cropped sweater is… not our kinda thing, granted. But holy crap, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SHE’S WEARING WITH IT? Is that an acid-wash diaper? Because it sure looks like one:
*Shudder* Guess we know what our nightmares will be about tonight, then…
Thursday, October 15th, 2009
You know what? Fashion’s just really ugly right now, isn’t it? We seem to have entered into a phase where almost every trend out there is designed to be as unflattering as possible, and while you can still find the odd little gem if you look hard enough, for the most part, we’ve been finding our daily work of policing the fashion world fairly depressing. We blame the ongoing 80s revival. It makes everything look like it’s had a good hard beating with the ugly stick, and, as a result, we don’t think our cells have ever been fuller.
Here are our top five fashion hates of the moment:
1. Shoulder pads
We understand that Balmain did it. We can just about wrap our heads around the urge to create a different, and more dramatic silhouette than we’re used to seeing. But the fact remains: shoulder pads are not flattering. Not on anyone, really. Not unless you actually ARE planning on playing American football. And the problem is, EVERYTHING comes with shoulder pads at the moment. Everything. We’ve personally had to snip the damn things out of more than a couple of sweaters and dresses lately, and we’re getting used to that sinking feeling of despair when we pull something pretty from the rack, only to recoil in horror as we realise it has shoulders that would shame Crystal Carrington. Please, fashion world, just stop it.
2. Ripped/shredded clothing
Whether it’s ripped leggings, shredded jeans or laddered tights, we hate it. It doesn’t make you look “edgy”, it makes you look like a homeless fashion victim. The tights we can live with as long as there’s another (non-laddered) pair underneath in a contrasting colour, but the Lady Gaga style ripped leggings, worn with nothing underneath, and flesh spilling out of the cracks? Pass us the eyeball bleach…
3. See-through dresses/skirts/anything else
Please, put some clothes on. Any clothes at all. Even ripped ones would be better than this trashy trend.
4. Leggings as pants
We love leggings – seriously, we do. But the important thing to remember about leggings is that LEGGINGS ARE NOT PANTS. Got it? NOT PANTS. It’s such a simple thing, really: isn’t it amazing how many people get it wrong?
5. Anything Lady Gaga would wear.
Look, Gaga is great. Let’s leave the wet-look leotards and knickers-as-pants to her, though, eh? It’ll be better for all of us…
What are your top fashion hates right now? Tell us in the comments!
[ripped tights, Free People]
Thursday, October 15th, 2009
We’re possibly being generous here by assuming these bones leggings are being sold as part of the general Halloween-themed madness that hits the retail world at this time every year. We certainly hope they’re not supposed to be worn as part of your day-to-day attire but, well, you never really know these days, do you?
If you’re looking for an easy (not to mention lazy) Halloween costume, though, these are £20 at Topshop, who’re also selling the usual assortment of devil horns, angel wings etc. The rest of the skeleton, however, you’ll have to find for yourself…
Tuesday, October 13th, 2009
“Look! No hands!”
Well, it may be a crime of fashion, but at least it’s totally ‘armless, eh? Geddit? “Armless?” Oh, never mind…
We arrested this Marni jacket yesterday evening, although we must admit, it took the officers in charge quite some time to get the cuffs on it, because:
a) they were laughing so hard
and
b) it’s got NO ARMS to attach them to
Now that we’ve confiscated it, we’re going to put it to good use in the Fashion Police jail, where it’ll come in handy as a straight jacket. It was actually quite tempting to let this one walk free, though, if only so we could have the chance to see hordes of people all walking around shaped like giant, armless balls. Hee! In the end, though, we thought it was wise to bring it in on safety grounds alone: imagine, if you will, a slippery, icy path, a person walking down it with their arms trapped inside their “balloon” jacket, unable to break their fall… OUCH.
Marni balloon jacket, £370
Monday, October 12th, 2009
Did you hear that Alexander McQueen is suing Steve Madden for copying one of his designs? We know! Steve Madden accused of copying – who’d have believed it?
We somehow doubt McQueen will have much trouble with copies of this latest collection, for Spring/Summer 2o10, though – if, of course, they ever go into production. Take a look at our gallery to see why. (Click on the thumails to view full-size)
[PSGallery=3drkp2mhl]
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