Fashion Ripper Strikes Again: Classic Converse are latest victims

He's ripped leggings, tights and tops, and it's with great sadness that the Fashion Police can now confirm that a pair of Converse Chuck Taylors have become the latest victim of this most dangerous of fashion criminals.

"These sneakers were just minding their own business," said a spokesperson for the force. "Who would do such a thing?"

We don't know, but we certainly aim to find out. The sneakers, meanwhile, are recovering from their orderl at the Free People Clothing Boutique, where you can buy them for $128,

Bagg'ns: the solution to the saggy jeans problem

"If you must sag - sag respectfully, sag responsibly." This is the philosophy behind Bagg'ns, the jeans that will allow you to look like you're wearing saggy jeans, without forcing you to actually wear saggy jeans. As you can see, there are two waistbands, so your butt remains respectfully covered at all times, meaning that you won't get in trouble with the police. Not even in Flint, Michigan.

Will you get in trouble with the Fashion Police, though? Oh, come on, what do YOU think?

We do appreciate the humour apparent in the Bagg'ns website, though,so check it out here to see the various Bagg'ns for men, too - and buy them, if you so desire!

Frankenshoes: Marc Jacobs mates shoes and tables

Yes, folks, Marc Jacobs, mad scientist that he is, has been at it again, and this time his experiments seem to have centred around throwing a table and a shoe into a room and leaving them alone for a few hours to see what happened.

This is what happened: a shoe with a table-leg attached to it. And not a very nice shoe, either, if we're honest. Seriously, if you have to combine shoes and tables, Marc, could you not have picked a shoe that at least looks like it's supposed to have a heel?

Instead, he's picked a shoe that can only be described as "sensible". This shoe never wanted a stiletto heel. It wanted to be left alone, to live out its days in peace and quiet, maybe taking the odd stroll to the  shops for a cup of tea and a scone.

Instead, this happened to it. Poor shoe. If you feel like rescuing it, you can buy it here, but be warned: it may not look it, but it's $792.

Introducing the Drop-Crotch Dress. You heard us.

Seriously? Seriously? Designers are so desperate to add a dropped-crotch to everything now that they're even willing to put one on a DRESS? Because yes, that's a dropped crotch right there, folks. Yes, we know you thought it was just a dress that had, you know, got a little bit tangled up in the model's legs. But no, it's a dress with a crotch. Which, yes, technically makes it a jumpsuit, but of course you can call it whatever you like: we're going to settle for calling it a crime of fashion, and we're starting to despair of this particular crime (the drop-crotch in general) ever ending.

This is on sale, unsurprisingly, and you can pick it up at Shopbop for $139.

Jodhpur Jeans: yes, your hips DO look big in them

Jamie sent us this image, plus a question:

"Unsure of whether your thighs look big in a pair of pants?" asks Jamie. "With these pants you will never have to ask that question again"

It's very true, but unless you're going horse riding in the 1930s, we don't think there's much of an excuse for these. If you beg to differ, you may be relieved of your 90 euros here.

Prada's sheer disgrace pants: the most blatant case of Daylight Robbery yet

Did people really learn NOTHING from the story of the Emperor's new clothes? Because Miuccia Prada must surely have laughed all the way to the bank the day she realised she could charge people £228 a time to basically walk around naked, no?

(And OK, these have been reduced to £155 at Yoox.com, but that's still about, oh, £155 too much for us...)

What not to wear to a wedding. Or anywhere else.

Eyeball bleach! Eyeball bleach! Could someone please pass us the eyeball bleach? And the smelling salts? Maybe a stiff drink, while you're on your feet? Because this, readers? This is a wedding outfit. Or at least, it was found at an online bridal store, it's white, and there's a big hat, so you can draw your own conclusions.

It was sent in by South African reader Marisa (thanks, Marisa!) and if this is what the bride was wearing, God, wouldn't we just love to have some undercover officers at THAT wedding - if only to see the expression on the in-laws faces as those almost-naked breasts came down the aisle towards them!

Fashion Police for the Boys: Marc Jacobs pants-skirt

By day, they were a an ordinary pair of pants:

But by night the Secret Skirt came out and they became....THE PANTS SKIRT:

From what we can gather, the skirt can be removed at will, allowing these pants to live a double life, but we just can't for the life of us figure out why anyone, male or female, would want to wear a skirt over pants. And far be it for us to suggest that men shouldn't wear skirts: it's always been the opinion of The Fashion Police that if women are allowed to wear pants, men should be allowed to wear skirts - fair's fair, after all - but if we wouldn't like this look on a woman (and we wouldn't) we're not going to pretend to like it on a man either. Nuh-uh.

What do you think, folks? Are you fans of the Pant Skirt? Enough to pay $798 for one? If so, walk right this way...

[Thanks to Matthew for the report!]

Dress like a horse this winter with Nicholas Kirkwood's scratched suede fur ankle boots

We're going to be generous here and assume that no horses were harmed in the making of these Nicholas Kirkwood ankle boots. It just looks like they were. It's actually goat fur that has been sacrificed to create these, though, and for that we say shame on you, NK: because as well as leaving a bad taste in the mouth, they also leave a burning sensation on the eyeballs as we try to imagine what we'd look like trotting along (because there's really no other way to walk in boots with fetlocks, is there?) in them.

Louisa Viaroma suggest wearing these with one of Christopher Kane's 'monkey' pieces. Now THAT would be an interesting outfit: the face of a monkey, the fetlocks of a horse and the fur of a goat. Interesting. Just... not in a good way.

[Buy them!]

Chloe's three-quarter length sheer pants: the worst case of VPL we've seen this year

On the plus side, at least this model is actually wearing underwear. On the minus side, though... we can see it. Clearly. And we don't know about you, but there's not many people whose underwear is of a huge amount of interest to us, especially not when we're out in public.

Yes, folks, just when you thought it was safe to go back to Yoox.com, the shants are back, and they're just as confusing as ever. These ones are by Chloe, and going by the design, they don't really look like they're supposed to be worn underneath something else, but we're really hoping they're not supposed to be worn like this either, because as we're sure you're all aware, not all butt cheeks are created equal, and there aren't many we'd fancy coming face to, er, cheek with as we go about our daily business.

If you'd like to show the world your wares, though, these will cost you £190, and you can buy them here.