Crimes of Fashion

The Internet Vs “The Real World”

MOTO Clear Plastic Straight Leg Jeans We had to check the calendar when we first came across these jeans – we were pretty sure it wasn’t April 1st, but at the same time, this does look a bit like an “Emperor’s New Clothes” type situation, doesn’t it? It’s no joke, though – and while you’re Fashion Police are still struggling to see the appeal of totally transparent jeans, the answer came in the form of the reviews of this item on the Topshop website – which basically just confirm to us that we’re far too old, and tragically un-stylish to get it. “These jeans might have got a thrashing on the internet,” wrote one thrilled purchaser, “but people in the…

Two-tone pants and double-waist jeans

We’re declaring a state of emergency: crimes of fashion are starting to take over the pants world. First, there was these: It’s like, they WERE regular jeans… but they’d always dreamt of being ballerina jeans. A couple of knee-tutus later, and their wish was granted! These pants, meanwhile, just couldn’t decide what THEY wanted to be when they grew up: Would they be pinstripe pants or cargo pants? Business or causal? Why couldn’t they be both, they wondered? Well, luckily for them, that wish was granted, too: which is a useful lesson for us all, really. Never try to pigeonhole yourselves, people – always remember the pants, and the inspiring tale of how they managed to have it all! Finally……

pink ruffled jumpsuit

Jumpsuits Gone Wild

We’ve always viewed jumpsuits with suspicion. It’s definitely not true to say that all jumpsuits are crimes of fashion, obviously – some can actually be quite cute. It IS, however, fair to say that MOST jumpsuits have the POTENTIAL to be crimes of fashion: and we think this one is really pushing that potential to the limit: Of course, it would  also be fair to note at this point that we’re coming from a position of bias here, as we’ve always viewed ruffles with the utmost suspicion, too. (No, we’re not fans of the current trend for gingham ruffles, thanks all the same…) Like jumpsuits, they’re not always crimes of fashion, but they do have that potential, and, in this…

Topshop clear-panel mom jeans

When our officers spotted this photo doing the rounds on Twitter this morning, our first instinct was to check the calendar and make sure it wasn’t April 1st. But nope: it’s still only March 13th, so it’s way too early for April Fool’s… which means that these jeans must be real. Wow. Having discovered THAT, our next assumption – also wrong, as it turned out – was that they must be from one of those cheap clothing websites that spring up every now and then, selling clothes normally described as “clubwear”, but what we’d probably describe as “fashion crimes, one and all.” Nope, though: again, we were wrong, because these are from Topshop. Which is about as mainstream as it…

The New Way to Wear Ripped Jeans

  Rachel Comey Lenox Pants Well, this is… interesting. And here were we thinking that the denim disasters we’ve been documenting lately were probably as bad as it was going to get this season: just shows what WE know, huh? Rather than going straight for the most obvious crime here, let’s take a look at the circumstantial evidence first: The odd length, which looks more, “I outgrew these jeans two years ago, and just can’t afford to replace them,” than it does, “I’m totally rocking the cropped flare trend!” Then there’s the “Just like your mother used to iron them for you,” knife-edge crease down the front of each leg. The high waist – not a crime in itself, necessarily,…

Sound the ‘pyjamas in public klaxon

Pyjamas in public have long been a source of concern for The Fashion Police, but, at first glance, we honestly didn’t think that was what we were dealing with here. No, our first thought, upon reviewing the evidence above (found on the H&M website) was that this was a particularly unfortunate looking pair of pyjamas, sure, but, pyjamas aren’t exactly a crime of fashion, are they? What people choose to wear in the privacy of their own home, after all, is none of our concern … so it was only when we realised that we were not, in fact, looking at the nightwear section of the H&M website, that we started to get a little bit alarmed. As it turns…

Denim is out of control again

It’s happening again, fashion force. Just when we thought the destroyed denim trend was over, and it was safe to go back into Toshop again, without fear of running into hundreds of pairs of raw hem jeans (is it just us, or does anyone else look at those things and feel like the wearer is obviously in someone else’s hand-me-downs, which had to have the hems let out or cropped off to fit properly?), they go and do this to poor old denim: They call it an “extreme cold shoulder denim jacket”. Which seems pretty accurate, really. Our main question, though, is WHY? Why do people all of sudden find it SO unacceptable to cover their shoulders? Why must they…

Christmas comes early at ASOS

It’s hard to believe it sometimes, but this blog has been running for over a decade now, and while you probably wouldn’t think that would be long enough to see any major changes in the world  of fashion, we’ve definitely seen a few. Take Christmas jumpers, for instance. Back when we first started policing the world of fashion, the Christmas jumper was rarely seem outside the world of ugly sweater parties. Wearing one would’ve been seen as the ultimate crime of festive fashion, and every December, our cells would fill out with sweaters depicting giant snowmen, scary Santas and other things more commonly seen on small children than grown adults. Now, though? How the times have changed. Now Christmas sweaters…

feathered jeans by Michael Kors collection

Forget frayed jeans: feathers are where it’s at now

Feathered jeans by Michael Kors collection For a long time now, fashion designers have been having a real problem with jeans, the problem being this: how to mess them up? The thing is, for most people, jeans are a wardrobe staple. They’re classics. They’re worn by everyone, from the super-fashionable, to the not-even-remotely-fashionable – and everyone in between, too. Now, the problem for Fashion People (Who deserve to have their name written in caps, because they’re not like Other People, obviously), is that they don’t want to look like the not-even-remotely-fashionable people. Hell, they don’t even want to look like the somewhere-in-between people, either: which can be somewhat tricky when you’re wearing jeans – the uniform of Almost Everybody. Fashion…

Fendi fur and shearling coat

Fur is back in fashion – and stranger than ever

A few weeks ago, we wrote about how fur is back in fashion – or, at least, no longer looked down upon by fashion, anyway – and how we’re so not cool with that. It’s bad enough to know that designers are still using real fur, when there are so many alternatives available to them, however, but it’s even worse when they use it to make something like this: almost £17,000 worth of bright blue fox fur, which we’re convinced would’ve looked a whole lot better on its original owners than it does on the kind of coat you’d be too scared to wear in case something happened to it. Oh, and in case people thought you were Cruella De…

turn up culottes

The New Way to Wear Denim

It looks like denim’s gotten out of control again, fashion force. As if all of those bizarre-looking frayed-hem jeans weren’t bad enough, now our officers also have things like this to content with: These sold out at Net-a-Porter within a few days, despite the fact that: a) They cost £630 and b) They’re a skirt attached to a pair of jeans. Let’s think about that last point for a minute, shall we? Imagine, if you will, getting dressed in the morning. You pull on your favourite pair of jeans, and add a pair of beat-up white sneakers to wear with them. So far, so good. Basic, but good. Then you look in the mirror. “There’s just something missing here,” you find…

fashion crime trousers

Cut-out jeans, and other crimes of fashion

MOTO cut-out-pocket mom jeans “Cold-shoulder” tops have been around for a while now, and while they’re not exactly our style, they’re not too hard to understand, either: well, on a hot day, a bare shoulder might just seem like a good idea, no? These, on the other hand – well, we guess these should really be called “cold hip jeans”: and we’ve no idea why they exist. (Other than the need to be “edgy” and “unexpected”, even if it means walking around with your love-handles on show.) The main issue here, as far as we’re concerned, is that while cold-shoulder tops could be pleasantly cooling on a hot summer’s days, these just look … well, COLD, really. Because if it’s…

Fendi fur vest

Return of the Fur Vest

Is it just us, or does anyone else think this looks like some strange kind of Ewok fetish wear? Just us? Oh, come ON: you can totally see this in some kind of adult remake of Return of the Jedi, can’t you? If only it was THAT innocent, though, people: because, the fact is, this ISN’T a costume from a movie (not even a really bad one): it’s a Fendi vest. And it’s £11,000, too. (Well, £11, 450, if you want to be accurate, but we’re guessing that if you were OK with paying £11,000 for a VEST, you’re probably not going to be quibbling over the rest of the price tag, are you? Didn’t think so.) Once again, we…

fur and glitter shoes

Good shoes gone bad, and other crimes of fashion

“Fashion crime” is probably too strong a charge for this Topshop sweater: by which we mean we probably wouldn’t arrest you for wearing it – but we would pull you over and ask you some questions. “WHY?” would be the first one that would spring to mind, really. Why would you need a sweater with a giant cut-out section in one side? And it’s not like it would be a particularly attractive sweater WITHOUT the cut-out either, so again: WHY? Does the cut-out make it better or worse? Are we asking too many questions? OK then, moving on… Also from Topshop, and also falling into the “probably not a CRIME, exactly, but still plenty puzzling” category, comes these shoes: Shearling…

distressed jeans

These jeans are very distressed…

Over the years we’ve been policing, we’ve become pretty resigned to distressed jeans: to even accept them. Sometimes, a bit of distressing adds to the effect: it either creates that effortless, worn-in look, or it just makes the jeans look a little more interesting – a little less “here I am, in my very best jeans, that I’ve carefully ironed for the occasion!” Other times, though… other times, it just ends up looking like this. These jeans are a little bit more than just “distressed” aren’t they? These jeans are freaking the hell out. They’re not “effortlessly worn-in”, either: in fact, a whole lot of effort has gone into make them look like they’ve been worn to death. (And these ones…

Unitards: who’s actually buying them?

all unitards: ASOS Remember when ASOS used to be called ‘As Seen On Screen’? It seems like a long time ago now, but the original concept of the site was to sell affordable versions of the clothes celebrities wear “on screen”, so each item would be “As Seen on X Celebrity”. Well, the name may have been truncated to simply ‘ASOS’, and the celeb-centric concept has long been ditched in favour of providing all kinds of clothing, for all kinds of events, but if you take a quick look at the unitards section, you might be forgiven for wondering if someone at ASOS still secretly wishes they were dressing celebrities, rather than the girl next door. Seriously: these three unitards…

pom pom cardigan

Fashion Crimes of the Week: Pom Poms and Denim

For as long as The Fashion Police have been in existence, one of our most hated crimes of fashion has always been something we refer to as the “Dress Like a Toddler” trend. This is, in case you haven’t guessed, when grown women (and men) wear clothing that wouldn’t look out of place on a three year old – but which DOES look just a little bit out of place on the aforementioned grown adult. Now, we’re not saying that as soon as you reach maturity you have to start dressing all “sensible”, and wearing the kind of clothes your grandma might approve of: we’re just never going to understand why people willingly infantilise themselves with their clothing. And we’re…

strange playsuit

If you saw it in a thrift store…

… would you pay £50 for this playsuit? We’re going to go with “no” on this one – in fact, we’d probably take one look at it and wonder how on earth the staff in the store had let something so obviously past its best under their radar… and who on earth would buy it. If we looked at the price label and saw it was £50, we’d be even MORE amazed – even if it still had the tags on, and was obviously unworn: and we’d be even LESS likely to buy it, obviously! Of course, taste is subjective, and for every officer out there who wouldn’t wear this playsuit even if you paid HER £50, there’s another who’d…

A fringe too far

Well, we’ve once again reached that time of year, when, likely inspired by Coachella and other festivals, fashion designers decide to start pushing fringed items on us, so we can all pretend to be flower children or something. “Festival fashion” has a lot to answer for, basically: especially when people who aren’t even going to festivals start thinking they have to wear some strange, 70s-inspired “costume”, normally involving flower garlands and the likes. But we digress. Here’s an example of a pair of jeans that have been given the “fringe” treatment: with fairly comical results: Jeans: River Island Now, we’re going to assume these will probably be popular. It’s festival season, after all: people are going to look at these…

long scuba swimsuit

From the ‘Where Would You Wear It?” Files…

Mesh leggings. MESH. LEGGINGS. If ever there were two words that should never appear in a sentence, “mesh” and “leggings” would be those words. Alarmingly, these aren’t the worst example we’ve ever seen, but that doesn’t necessarily exonerate them, does it? They definitely wouldn’t pass the “where would you wear them?” test (In which you have two seconds to come up with somewhere to wear the item in question: if you can’t do it, it’s guilty as charged…), let’s put it that way. Three more words that shouldn’t ever been used in the same sentence – or, more accurately, in the same product description: “Long scuba swimsuit“. The “scuba” and “swimsuit” bits we can live with – nothing wrong with that….