|
|
Archive for the ‘Crimes of Fashion’ Category
Thursday, November 5th, 2009
Looks like someone has been trying to get our attention, folks:
 Lady Gaga: looking fierce Sorry, Gaga, we’ve been distracted. Rest assured, though, you’re still our favourite fashion criminal. Also: loving the new “hands always in the same position” thing you’ve got going on here:
(more…)
Thursday, November 5th, 2009
 Isn't Halloween over now? We’d almost resigned ourselves to the existence of jumpsuits. We’d even come across a few in the course of our police work that – whisper it – we didn’t actually hate.
Then this one came along and set the jumpsuit movement back YEARS as far as we’re concerned. Years. It looks like some kind of Halloween costume to us – or an outfit for the villain in some kind of camp dance show. Imagine the model with a handlebar moustache and you’ll maybe understand what we mean. And now we’ve thought about this jumpsuit for much longer than we’d really like, so let’s say no more about it and simply let the record show that it costs £100 from ASOS.
Thursday, November 5th, 2009
 Oh, hai nipples... OK, is it just us, or is this a REALLY unfortunate choice of colour and placement on the pockets? Umm, yeah.
Manoush long-sleeve sweater, £130
Wednesday, November 4th, 2009
 The Fashion Police hold these truths to be self-evident:
1. That no one’s flesh looks good pooling out of multiple holes in the fabric of their clothes. No, not even models.
2. That “creatively” ripped jeans always end up looking like you left your clothes in the care of a particularly malicious teenager with a pair of scissors.
3. That these will create some pretty interesting tan lines if you wear them in summer. In winter, welcome to pale blue, mottled flesh. Lovely.
The Fashion Police are starting to feel increasingly alone in this, however, and Tripp NYC in particular seem hell-bent on proving to us that if they make ugly jeans, people will buy them. If you’re one of those people, these are $48 from Karmaloop.
Tuesday, November 3rd, 2009
It’s funny how your eyes start to adjust to crimes of fashion, isn’t it? A few months ago, something like this denim bodysuit from Miss Selfridge would’ve had us almost falling off our seats in horror, but now that we seem to be living in an 80s fashion hell more or less all the time, when we first laid eyes upon it our first thought wasn’t “Quick! Call out the troops!” but simply, “Now, how on earth would they expect people to wear THAT, then?”
Luckily, though, we didn’t have to wonder for long, because Miss Selfridge have helpfully answered that question for us. You’d wear a studded denim body suit with….
(more…)
Friday, October 30th, 2009
This is described as a silk blazer with “sleeve twist”. The “twist” is that someone has chopped off the elbows. Because, honestly! Elbows! Who has elbows in their jackets any more? Elbows are just, like, SO last season! But this: this is edgy. it is creative. It does not, in any way, look like the designer was desperate to do something, anything, to be different, and thought, “I know, I’ll just chop the elbows off! And everyone will think it’s edgy!” Oh God, no.
It’ll cost you £502 to wear a jacket without elbows. If you wear it Lady Gaga style, as shown, with just a giant pair of knickers, it’ll possibly cost you considerably more, because The Fashion Police will catch you and fine you. Don’t say you weren’t warned.
Dion Lee silk blazer with sleeve twist, £502
Thursday, October 29th, 2009
It’s been a while since we were last forced to arrest a fashion impostor, but these Giuseppe Zanotti boots are so clearly trying to pass themselves off as shoes that we had no choice but to swoop in and cuff ‘em.
Just to add insult to injury, these aren’t just boots-pretending-to-be-shoes, either: they’re PEEP TOE BOOTS pretending to be shoes. You know, so that you can look like you’re wearing a pair of sparkly peep toe shoes with a toe-less leather sock? Just like you’ve always wanted? No?
If this does sound like a good look to you, these are £869 at Far Fetch.
Tuesday, October 27th, 2009
 Going Gaga
Now, this would be the perfect costume for anyone thinking of dressing up as Lady Gaga this Halloween, no?
After that, you could wear it… Nope, actually that’s the only time we can imagine wearing this. And actually, we can’t even imagine wearing it then, if we’re honest. If you can, however, it’s £20 from ASOS.
Monday, October 26th, 2009
Whoops! Time to change that diaper again!
They’re doing this deliberately, aren’t they? No one could seriously have thought, “You know what would look great? Bleached denim harem pants! With an ugly elasticated waist! Let’s make it happen!” So we’re working on the assumption that they’re doing it just to annoy us. It’s working, too: seriously, two of our least favourite things EVER – bleached, 80s denim and a saggy crotch – together in one item. We feel like we’re being tortured slowly here. Add in the aforementioned elasticated waist, and we’ve got these on three separate counts.
Bail for these is set at £70. If you want to set them free, you can get them here.
Monday, October 26th, 2009
Oh no! Look, this poor model – she must’ve fallen asleep on the job or something, and “hilarious” pranksters have snuck up on her and signed her white skinny jeans, as if they were plaster casts! If only The Fashion Police had been in the area at the time, we could’ve caught these fashion criminals in the act, but don’t worry, at least we’ll be able to read their names and track them down. Now, let’s see: Elle… Cindy… Heidi…Milla…Kate…Tyra… OMG! Supermodels have defaced these jeans! Supermodels who should know better, and show some respect for clothes! We’re horrified.
Would you wear these jeans? Bearing in mind that we totally made up the above scenario and the jeans are actually made with the signatures printed on them? We can’t help but feel that walking around with supermodel names on our thighs would just be like issuing an invitation to people to compare said thighs with Cindy, Kate, Elle, et al : and, of course, it would also be an invitation to people to walk up to you and say, “Oh my God, someone’s written all over your jeans!”
But what do you think, readers? Fashion crime? Cool way to show how much you love the supers? Tell us!
Ksubi super-skinny white jeans, £149
|
 |
|
|
|
|
