Crimes of Fashion

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      Five knitwear styles to avoid this fall

      September starts on Monday, which means some of you are probably starting to think about your autumn/winter wardrobes, and, in particular, knitwear. There’s nothing quite like snuggling up in a cosy sweater on a chilly day, is there? Except, of course, the sweater in question is one of these… We…

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      Has Marc Jacobs taken the trainers trend too far?

      Sportwear – or “sportswear luxe”, as the fashion press have been terming it – has been big this season: and it’ll continue to be big long into NEXT season, too. Even those who normally wear heels for the thing most people wear sneakers for, have taken to wearing sneakers for…

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      Spotted! Footwear Impostors make a comeback

      A few years ago, many of The Fashion Police’s arrests revolved around what we termed ‘Footwear Impostors”: boots pretending to be shoes; shoes pretending to be socks – that kind of thing. Footwear Impostors have almost died out in recent years: in fact, we started to think our mission had…

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      New in at Net-a-Porter…

      Our officers love browsing the “new in” section at everyone’s favourite designer fashion website, Net-a-Porter. We can’t actually afford to BUY anything, obviously, but sometimes it’s nice to look, isn’t it? Other times, mind you, it’s just plain ol’ PUZZLING to look. What’s going on here, for instance? They’re pants…

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      Denim: disastrous or delightful?

      We love denim. It’s one of those fabrics you can just always depend on, isn’t it? Feeling blah, and don’t know what to wear? Jeans to the rescue! Need an outfit you can dress up/down as required? Denim is here for you. Denim (or chambray, if you’re talking about the…

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      Furry ballet flats are a thing now

      These may look like a cosy pair of furry slippers, but it saddens us to report that they’re actually a pair of furry outdoor shoes: and $740 ones, at that. Now, we’ve written fairly extensively on the scourge of furry boots that seem to be dominating the autumn/winter collections, but…

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      Shorts Horror | Au Jour le Jour lip printed shorts

      [Buy them here for £242] The placement of the tongue on the crotch. The butt-cheeks hanging out of the super-short hem. The knee socks. The stiletto-heeled slippers. The old “where on earth would you wear them?” question. The idea of paying £242 to look like… this. There’s just so many…

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      Frankenshoes | Strange Shoes Ride Again

      We know we’ve been bringing you a lot pf shoe-related arrests lately, but as we mentioned in our last crime report, shoes have become the master criminals of the fashion world. The ringleaders, if you will. Never has there been a time in which ugly footwear was quite so prevalent:…

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      The Emperor’s New Fendi Trousers

      Well, whaddya know: it looks like our old friend The Emperor got himself some new trousers! [Buy them here for £136] It’s hard to be sure just from the evidence before us, but we THINK what we’re looking at here is a pair of tights, with a useless, totally sheer…

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      When Maxi Dresses Go Wrong

      The maxi dress. It’s a summer staple for many people: throw one on with a pair of sandals and a floppy sunhat, and you’re all set for a day by the pool, a trip to the beach, a leisurely day’s sightseeing… you can fill in the rest of this list…

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      Hilarious Hats: would you wear them?

      They say that if you want to get ahead, get a hat. Honestly, though, the only thing THESE hats are likely to get you is a citation slip from The Fashion Police. For instance… Ostrich feather headpiece, £1139 This isn’t so much a “hat” as it’s a wig. Wear it,…

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      More strange shoes: crimewave continues

      We usually leave most of the shoe talk to ShoeperWoman, but right now there are just too many ugly shoes out there for her to handle, so we’re stepping in to make a few arrests. As ShoeperWoman observed earlier this week, footwear fashion is going through something of an awkward…

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      Crimes of Fashion | Faces in Places

      With summer in full swing, you may be thinking of hitting the beach or pool this weekend. Before you do, you might want to take a look at what NOT to wear, including… [Buy it at Yoox.com] Now, it turns out that that’s a couple of bears on this bikini…

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      Strange Shoes |Footwear Fails on Trial

      While browsing Louisa Via Roma this week, our undercover officers discovered the following footwear offences – or possible offences, depending on your opinion: DSquared2 mink and suede pumps, £810 You’re probably never going to convince us that real fur on footwear is a good idea, but even if you could,…

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      Distressed jeans are distressing

      Go Jane has been on the Fashion Police radar for a while now: in fact, sometimes looking at the site is a bit like looking into out very own jail. There are a lot of things we could take issue with there (plus a few things we quite like, let’s…

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      The Dress-Like-A-Toddler Trend Gathers Pace

      You know, it’s probably not fair to describe the Style Suspects in this post as being victims of the “Dress Like a Toddler Trend“. After all, how many toddlers do YOU know who have a hat like THIS: [Buy it here for £343] Yes, this is a hat. A £343…

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      Crime of Fashion? Moschino does Underwear-as-Outerwear

      [Buy it here for £150] Well, it looks like Moschino are on track to win the coveted Fashion Criminals of the Year title (which isn’t actually a thing, but totally should be, don’t you think?). We’d give them the award mostly for their dedication to encouraging people to dress like toddlers ,…

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      Crime of Fashion? Lazy Oaf ‘Fur Face’ jacket

      Lazy Oaf ‘Fur Face’ jacket, $244 In a bid to be fair to this suspect, let us just first of all point out that at least it’s “only” $244, so while it’s still expensive (Especially considering its appearance…), it’s not QUITE as mind-bendingly expensive as some of the fashion criminals…

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      Fashion Crime Friday | Hands on your head

      In this week’s Fashion Crime roundup, we discover that the whole “strange and expensive headgear” trend is still going strong: [Buy it here for £284] Suspect # 1 | The Hand on Your Head We say “trend”. This isn’t a trend in the true sense of the world: or, at…

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      Fashion Crime Friday | Shoulders and sleeves

      Sometimes we love not being “edgy”. When you don’t have to worry about whether your outfit is edgy/on-trend enough, for instance, these Acne outfits become simply something to make you smile, as opposed to something you might actually have to consider wearing: [All items available at Acne] Suspects # 1…

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      Fashion Crime Friday | Fashion Fails of the Week

      This week’s Fashion Crime Friday kicks off with a double-whammy: a fashion fail AND a Photoshop fail, wrapped into one: [Buy them here for $56.96] Suspect # 1 | The Long-Legged Jeans Look at where the model’s kneecap is. Now look at how much leg there is underneath it. Either…