Crimes of Fashion: Random Roundup

crimes of fashion


Happy Friday, Fashion Police officers! To finish up the week, today we present a Random Roundup. These are just a few of the crimes of fashion we stumbled across this week which were ugly enough to catch our attention, but not quite ugly enough to warrant their own posts. In fact, some of you might think they’re not ugly AT ALL, and that’s the beauty of the world of fashion: one person’s Crime of Fashion is another person’s Most Wanted item.

Ready to see some (possible) Crimes of Fashion?

SUSPECT # 1: ASOS leggings with fringe detail (above)

These are here purely because we’ve yet to meet a pair of fringed leggings that didn’t remind us to book an appointment for a leg wax. Their arrest, however, may well be unjustified, because although ASOS didn’t show a single photo of them in which the model ISN’T twirling around and making the fringes spin out, the fact is that they won’t actually look like that in real life. Unless, of course, you make sure you remain in perpetual, fringe-swingin’ motion.

VERDICT? Undecided

SUSPECT # 2: Nasty Gal Hotshot Jumper

nasty gal hotshot jumper


Er, at least it’ll wipe clean easily?


SUSPECT # 3: River Island Two In One Lace Maxi Dress

crimes of fashion sheer dress


This dress allows us to check off a few of the boxes on our Crimes of Fashion Checklist: it’s (partly) sheer; it’s a bad case of stuck-together clothes; it has a close resemblance to a lace curtain… The main reason we arrested it, however, wasn’t for any one of those reasons, but was mostly just because it reminds us of one of those net things you put over food to keep the flies off them. That HAS to be a crime of fashion…


SUSPECT # 4: Denim Waistband Harem Pants in Camel

harem pants


Well, it wouldn’t be a Crimes of Fashion roundup without a pair of harem pants, right? These aren’t the most offensive example of the drop-crotch look, but they attracted our attention nonetheless, because of the denim/camel mix. You know when a city has a “no public drinking” law, and people will put their alcohol in a brown paper bag to “hide” it? These pants are obviously so ugly underneath that whoever designed them felt the need to disguise them in a similar way, so as not to get caught by the Fashion Police. Instead, all it did was make us even more suspicious.

VERDICT: Harem pants are guilty by definition.

SUSPECT # 5:  Topshop bunny ear headband

bunny ear headband
We reckon this one might be a little bit controversial, because we know a lot of you lap this stuff up like we lap up our morning wine coffee. For us, though, this item – and others like it – are in clear contravention of the statute which criminalises the act of Dressing Like a Toddler. We can see no reason why a grown adult would want to walk around wearing giant bunny ears, outside of a Halloween party, that is. The infantilisation of our population (see also: adult onesies, popularity of) is no laughing matter (Well, actually, it kind of IS. Especially when they wear their onesies in public…), and is something The Fashion Police have sworn a solemn oath to fight against.

It’s a losing battle, though, because we know you’re all going to love this headband and want to buy it immediately, so…

VERDICT: Unproven

And now it’s over to you:

Which of these suspects do you consider to be guilty of committing crimes of fashion?



  • January 25, 2013


    Guilty on all counts, your honors. The fringe leggings must look even worse when not in motion, if they were too ugly to be marketed that way. And no one should wear giant bunny ears in daily life. Where would you wear them? Work? School? (ok I might have worn them to high school, but I was a punk) Goddess forfend, the movies? They would be perfectly acceptable at a rave or at Burning Man, but that don’t make them not guilty.

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  • January 26, 2013


    I’m pretty sure they’re all guilty. The only one I’m undecided about is the sheer dress, because at least with that you can wear something underneath it and it would look pretty decent… as for the bunny ear headband……. why?!?

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  • January 26, 2013


    all 5.

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  • January 26, 2013


    #cimesoffashion ! give them a life sentence and send them away LOL !

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  • May 6, 2013


    I don’t see the big deal abut the infantilisation if I want to put a jacket over my pink bunny onesie and head to the grocery store. I’m a very dry person, so I can just gruffly agree when someone mentions my tail.

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