Fashion Police tip of the day, folks: never search eBay using the keywords "lace trousers". (Yes, we know we did it, but we’re trained professionals, and it’s our job to track down these crimes of fashion for you…) If you do, you’re likely to find something that looks a little bit like the outfit on the left, and that’s just not pretty, is it?
Now, ordinarily we would turn a blind eye to this kind of fashion infringement, believing it to be the kind of "specialist" outfit that’s designed only to be worn in the bedroom. (Of course, why you’d want to look like a Fashion Criminal in the bedroom is beyond us, but hey, it’s your sex life.) The seller of these fine items, however, insists that they’re the perfect way to turn your bikini into "the perfect evening outfit", and we have to take issue with that.
This is not the perfect evening outfit, people: this is the kind of outfit that should never be allowed out in public, ever. Capiche? And for those of you thinking of buying it to "delight" your other half with, a word from the wise: white knickers under black lace? No. Just… no.