Crimes of Fashion | This Week’s Arrests

It’s our first Fashion Crime Friday, and we have to say, it’s been a slow start to the year, crime-wise. We’re not sure if it’s something to do with the sales still being on and not much new stock being released, or whether the freezing temperatures are just keeping fashion criminals indoors, but our officers have only recorded a handful of crimes in their little black boots this week, starting off with…

ugly-dunagrees

Fendi, £500

Suspect # 1: Fendi’s £500 “Dungarees”

This suspect is described as “dungarees” in the product description, but we’re mostly seeing a batwinged playsuit, with no apparent purpose. We GUESS it could work as a swimsuit cover-up, but £500 seems like a lot to pay for an item that will look bad even on the beach. We also charged this with the crime of “creating the illusion of having forgotten one’s pants” and “forcing the wearer to get naked in the bathroom.” We think it’s a crime of fashion, but bail is set at £500, should you wish to set it free.

Suspect # 2: Tom Van Der Borght’s new take on the jogging suit

jogging suit

Buy it here

Another “where would you wear it” mystery. The sweatpants and tank suggest excercise, or something similarly dressed-down, but the dress shirt suggests this dude has other plans, and our officers want to know what they are. If you have plans for this, meanwhile, the good news is that it’s unisex – fashion criminals don’t discriminate.

Suspect # 3: DSquared2’s mud-spattered jeans

DSquared2 muddy jeans

Buy them here

We don’t know about you, but we’d freak out if our £325 designer jeans got into this kind of mess. Deliberate distressing is one thing, but deliberate mud-spattering? That’s most definitely a crime of fashion.

Suspect # 4: Tom Solo’s ‘Dahlia’ boots

platform boots with floral embellishment

Buy them here

Look, we enjoy an oversized embellishment as much as the next officer, but we reckon this one is taking things just a little too far. Thoughts?

And finally…

It’s not exactly a crime of fashion (or not unless you want it to be, anyway), but it’s definitely a crime that this poor model hasn’t been allowed a toilet break:

toilet break required

Find it here

Modelling is hard, people: don’t you forget it.

8 Comments

  • January 10, 2014

    lizvocal

    This is what happens when people buy ripped and distressed jeans for big bucks. “Hmm, what else can we do to distress jeans and make people pay for them? What hasn’t been done? I know, mud!” and they are $535 US for anyone curious. Ri-dunc-ulous.

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  • January 10, 2014

    Gillian

    Suspect no. 1 is so sheer! Makes it even worse. And the jeans? As if the mud spattering wasn’t weird enough, they’re ALSO super unflattering. Who would wear that? They aren’t flared OR skinny.

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  • January 11, 2014

    Daisydevis

    Oh dear, I’m off to a bad start, I love the first playsuit, but then I’m a sucker for anything retro-futuristic. If I could get away with wandering around in a silver jumpsuit all day, I would. This rest of the crimes have left me genuinely baffled. Well done!

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    • January 13, 2014

      lizvocal

      Go to a local science fiction convention, Daisy, and wander in the retro-future to your heart’s content.

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      • January 15, 2014

        lizvocal

        Please note that I did not add a link to my comment above, and in no way endorse the book it links to. What’s up with that?

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  • January 13, 2014

    Claudia

    I never knew I was so trendy! Next time I return from cutting firewood, I will try to sell my old jeans on ebay. They might fetch even more than those by Dsquared because they have some real sawdust on them, and the proceeds will buy me enough Schnaps to make me forget that the world has run out of ideas.

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    • January 13, 2014

      lizvocal

      LOL Claudia, I think you should! There used to be a business that bought used jeans from actual cowboys/ranchers out west and sold them to people with more money than sense in New York.

      This all begs the question, how do you wash the jeans when you paid extra for the mud?

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