Some might argue that a long brown/mauve dress is far too dowdy for the red carpet (or shiny floor, in this case), and has the power to make even Keira Knightley look a bit like a monk.
Others, however, might argue that NO dress is THAT powerful, and that Keira couldn’t possibly look bad if she tried. (Which, honestly, we think she sometimes does…)
Then, of course, there’s the issue of that very non-monk-like split, which Keira is using to YET AGAIN show us her chest. Just ONCE we’d like to see her wear something that doesn’t flash her breastbone. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?
Which side are you on? Is Keira guilty or innocent?
It’s hard to believe that until this week, we didn’t even know who Shy’m was. And now her image will forever more be burned into our retinas, and no amount of eyeball bleach will ever make them feel clean again.
THIS MEANS WAR, says the red carpet Reese Witherspoon is standing on. Which honestly sounds like a bit of an overreaction to us. Reese, sweetie, it’s OK: sure, the dress isn’t doing your waist many favours, buy we’re not going to go to WAR with you over it, honestly. The most you’d get for this would be a caution, maybe not even.
Here’s Reese posing her little heart out in green sequinned Louis Vuitton, at the UK premiere of This Means War last night. Can you help set her mind at rest in relation to her sartorial choices, or do you ACTUALLY want to go to war with her over this one?
In other words: GUILTY or INNOCENT?
(We’re definitely giving her a caution for the too-big shoes, by the way. Yes, there’s probably only a half-size in it, but we’re reached the end of our patience with this. Celebrities: BUY YOUR OWN SHOES. We know you can afford them. And really, who’d want to put their bare feet into a pair of borrowed shoes, knowing that other celebrities had sweated into them before you? Not us…)
Twitter was aflame with the news that ROSE BYRNE WORE A JUMPSUIT ON THE RED CARPET OMG! last night, so here is the evidence of that event, and we hope you enjoy it: happy Monday, everyone!
As for the rest of the SAG red carpet, well, let’s put it this way: as we flicked through the mugshots this morning, there were so many black dresses we weren’t sure if we were looking at an awards show or a really posh funeral. Who died, we wondered? Oh, yeah: colour did.
It wasn’t all black, though. Predictably, there were a lot of white dresses too, with just a few splashes of colour, and God, but they’re a boring lot, aren’t they? Step it up, celebs! We want to see you do better than this at the Oscars, you hear us? Let’s see swan dresses! Backwards-fitting suits! Cher! Not this endless parade of dull black and white!
What did everyone else think of the SAG red carpet? Take a look at the gallery below and prepare to tell us who we should be arresting and who gets to go free…
Kate Beckinsale is currently busy promoting Underworld: Awakening, and today she’s doing it in a white Christian Dior “crumbcatcher” dress. It’s white, because Kate Beckinsale almost always wears wear. She must be a very tidy eater/drinker is all we can say. Or, hey, maybe that’s what the crumbcatcher is for?
Speaking of which, let’s talk crumbcatcher bodices: they’re starting to be a bit of a red carpet trend. In just the last couple of weeks we’ve caught both Elle MacPherson and Andrea Riseborough in them. Kate’s forms the shape of a giant, sideways bow, but, as with most dresses in this style, it does add a bit of bulk to the front of the outfit, which is why we’re always on the fence about this kind of style.
Mark couldn’t believe Zoe was letting her bra straps show…
You’re probably wondering who these two are. Well, they’re Mark Wright and Zoe Hardman. They’re on TV in the UK. One of them is wearing her bra on the red carpet. Yes, we know it’s covered by a think layer of sheer fabric, but a thin layer of sheer fabric does not a “dress” make, so we stand by our original statement: she is wearing a bra on the red carpet. And that makes us wonder: would you?
Celebrities, you see, have been doing this kind of thing fairly often recently. They think nothing of going out in public in little more than a bra and a net curtain. Sometimes it’s not even a particularly nice bra.
Obviously we “don’t understand fashion”, so we’re not down with this look at all, and will be slapping the cuffs on young Ms Hardman as soon as we’re done typing this. Before we do, though, tell us: have you ever gone out in your bra? Would you? Is NOT going out with your bra showing one of those fashion “rules” that are now totally defunct and only for fuddy-duddys, i.e the type of people who go around saying, “A lady never appears in public without her panty hose!” and “OMG, WHITE! AFTER LABOR DAY!”
Still, at least we won’t have to worry about visible bra straps any more, if so…
You can TELL that Madonna is the boss of this movie, can’t you? Nothing says “don’t mess with me” like big, pouffy shoulders. Madonna’s are by Marchesa, and she’s been getting a lot of praise lately for dressing in a way that’s a little more “age appropriate”, which is one of the most depressing phrases in the fashion lexicon. We wouldn’t expect Madonna cares much about whether people think she’s age appropriate or not, though, and honestly, good for her: she gives us hope that there’s still fashion after 50, and after all, why shouldn’t there be?
Andrea Riseborough, who stars as Wallis Simpson in Madonna’s W.E, is feeling shressed. Sorry, there was apparently just no way we could avoid making that particular pun. At least we got it out of our system, though.
Andrea may not be feeling shressed, then, but she is certainly all shressed up for the NYC premiere of the film, wearing a dress with a sheet skirt, dramatic crumb-catcher front, and strange frilly bit at the front. Yes, that is a technical term.
Now, look, you don’t need us to tell you what we think about shresses for the eleventy-first time. Suffice it to say that every time one appears on the red carpet, an alarm goes off at the Fashion Police HQ, and our officers slide down a pole, like firemen, and get into the, er, FashMobile, to track them down. OK, not really. It would be cool, though, so please always imagine us doing that every time you see a shress on the red carpet.
Back to Andrea: we will probably never be fans of sheer dresses, but it looks like the celebrities of the world are going to continue wearing them, for the forseeable future at least, so let’s hear your verdicts on this one: innocent or guilty?
