Happy Friday, Style Squad! Or “unhappy Friday”, depending on how you feel about these potential crimes of fashion…
Style Suspect#1: Chloe’s Stuck-Together-Clothes Crime
This was bad enough when we thought it was simply an ugly sweater layered over the top of an almost equally ugly denim dress. Then we realised the sweater was, in fact, STUCK to the dress. And that the entire, terrible combination had an original retail price of £530, recently reduced to £330. (It’s still available in some sizes at that price. The fact that it didn’t sell out immediately gives us a small amount of hope for humanity.) We’re charging it with Stuck-Together-Clothes Crimes, with the additional possibility of a Daylight Robbery charge. Double the crime, double the time…
Style Suspect #2: Clothes That Look Like Tiny People
These are creative, we’ll say that for them. They also, however, remind us of those Halloween costumes that are designed to make you look like you’re carrying a much smaller person strapped to the front of your body – or that they’re carrying YOU. In this case, the person in front isn’t simply smaller than the person behind them – their shoulders also appear to be attached directly to their crotch. We hope no one will be offended when we say that strikes as as an unusual choice of fashion statement.
Speaking of crotches…
Style Suspect # 3: Kenzo’s ‘Eye’ pants
They could ALMOST have gotten away with this if one of the eyeballs wasn’t DIRECTLY over the crotch area. Oh, and if they weren’t trying to charge £424 for these. As it is, we’re afraid we’re going to have to charge them with crotch-related crimes.
Style Suspect # 4: Hol(e)y shirt, Batman!
This shirt is actually sold out, which is both good news and bad news. It’s good news because it means the shirt’s reign of terror is over, and no one else can fall victim to it. It’s bad news, however, because it means there were enough people in the world who looked at this and thought, “Just what I was looking for!” to make it sell out in the first place. And now this shirt is out there, multiplying. Well, OK, it’s probably NOT multiplying. We hope not, anyway. You can never be too careful with these things, though, so if you think you’ve spotted this, or any other crimes of fashion, you know what to do:
Call The Fashion Police!