Birkenstocks: a crime of fashion?

Birkenstocks So, summer’s a-comin’, and with it will no doubt come the usual crowds of people in Birkenstocks. This saddens us.

You see, much has been written, both on this site and elsewhere, about Crocs, and their general ugliness. Much, too, is written about Ugg boots, for the same reason. Not a lot is said about Birkenstocks, however, which we also consider to be fashion criminals: not, of course, on the same level as their Croc brethren, but… almost.

No, The Fashion Police are not fans of Birkenstocks. Especially not when they’re worn with blinding white socks, and if there’s any doubt in your mind that people do this, we’d invite you to take a stroll round any one of Disney’s marvellous theme parks this summer, and we’ll prove to you that yes, people do.

We suspect that the Birkenstock wearers would give the same excuse for their ownership of fugly shoes as the wearers of Crocs. "But they’re so comfy!" they all chorus, as if there is absolutely no way you can ever be comfortable without wearing fugly shoes. The Fashion Police know this isn’t true, so we’re adding Birkenstocks to our "Crimes of Fashion" list, and we offer no apology. Now, who’s with us?   

14 Comments

  • April 1, 2008

    Diana

    I think they are JUST for elderly people. End of the story.

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  • April 1, 2008

    Heidi

    I do own a pair, I bought them because everyone kept telling me they are comfortable. It turns out, they are not. After few wears, the insole hardens, so painful! I do think most Birkenstocks are quite unappealing, but the one that looks like flip flops look good. I love anything flip flops:)

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  • April 1, 2008

    Natasa

    no excuses! burn them at the stake!

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  • April 2, 2008

    sophie

    Lucky you to only have to suffer the Birkenstock in summer. Here in Australia we suffer it year round. Locals in summer, followed by the ‘But it’s Australia!’ effect; that is, European and American tourists who insist on wearing shorts and Birkenstocks even in the middle of winter based on the theory that being in Australia means you are automatically boiling hot, regardless of actual temperature.

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  • April 2, 2008

    Elise

    I have to admit, I own several pairs of Birkenstocks and I’m wearing a pair right now. They’re great for a casual weekend (I’m a college student) and when I went to Morocco last summer I took only one pair of shoes for 5 days – Birkenstocks. Much better arch support than most other sandals, so they definitely have some practical uses aside from plain comfort.

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  • April 2, 2008

    net

    I wore Birkenstocks after I sprained my foot because I couldn’t walk in anything else without being in pain. They actually are extremely comfortable. So even though my foot is better now, I’m hooked.
    But I only wear them when I have an easy going plain t-shirt with jeans kind of day- you know, running errands and stuff. Socks with Birks? NO WAY!!!
    At least they’re not Crocs. Hate those…

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  • April 2, 2008

    bookmole

    When you have very wide feet, comfy is the first thing to be taken into account when buying shoes. I love Italian shoes, long, narrow, high-heeled, pointed toe red kill-for shoes. But for me, those are die-for shoes. I choose comfort over pain, every day.
    That said, Birkenstocks are pretty ugly. But as I buy, and wear, mens sandals (wide fitting, and always, always cheaper!) maybe my opinion on Ugly does not count.

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  • April 2, 2008

    strawberryfluff

    Never will you part me from my trusty Birkenstocks. But if you ever catch me wearing them with socks shoot me!

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  • April 2, 2008

    Haley

    Boo Birkenstocks! Anything that ’90s liberal arts school hippies love is no friend of mine.

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  • June 18, 2008

    Dan

    Birkenstocks look very sexy on women, especially with socks. But they (and all sandals) are absolutely hideous on men.
    End of story.

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  • August 27, 2008

    Katie

    Now, I must say I am infact a fan of Birks. However, i’m only a fan of them without socks, and without any kind of print or pattern. Like, floral print Birks? Yecht. Uhrg. Or white Birks. No thanks. Actually, any colour other than brown doesn’t really work for me…
    I can actually see how people can find them ugly though. But really, they’re not death-penalty bad, and at least they’re not technicolour plastic -cough-Crocs-cough-

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  • August 23, 2010

    ree kline

    I’ve been wearing Birkenstocks since 1975 and exclusively for the last 20 years. I was not allowed to wear them at my daughter’s wedding ceremony, but I found a pair of gold ruffled and rhinestone studded birks for the reception. I wear wool socks with them in the winter, but I won’t wear them to shovel snow, don’t want to ruin them. So hands off my birks!

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  • August 24, 2010

    jackie ono

    I consider them a form of birth control. They are a very unsexy shoe and make anyone’s foot look clunky and Frankensteinish.

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  • September 8, 2010

    Chuck Swanson

    Haha. Everybody knows that Birkenstocks aren’t fashionable. Buy they’re incredibly comfortable! Here’s the good news…you don’t ALWAYS have to wear high fashion footwear, do you? Don’t we deserve to be comfortable once in a while?!!

    I think being comfortable just flat out makes you feel better. And feeling better = more confidence. I do believe in being fashionable but you can be comfortable too.

    Besides, I recently saw a picture of Usher wearing Birkenstocks! True Story.

    There are really cool websites that you can support if you invest in a pair of Birks. http://www.shoelanthropy.com donates to a charity of your choice for every pair of shoes you purchase. They carry a ton of Birkenstocks and other comfortable brands that I like.

    Peace out!

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