Bad Bikinis: The Bead Bikini

Bikini_bead

Remember those beaded curtains people used to (and maybe still do, for all we know) hang in their doorways during the summer, so they could leave the door open but stop flies and other nasties getting inside?

Why do you think Fisico-Beach Couture thought it would be a good idea to attach one of those to a bikini top? And wouldn’t that thing get ticklish if you moved even a little bit while you were wearing it?

Finally: tan lines! Won’t someone please think of the tan lines?

Buy: The Bead Bikini, £58

13 Comments

  • December 17, 2008

    Mousy

    Urghhh, horrid!
    … what’s going on with the model’s inner thighs?

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  • December 17, 2008

    peachfish

    The bikini is almost as horrifying as the “photoshop” of the models crotch. I guess her thighs weren’t skinny enough for them?

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  • December 17, 2008

    Evelyn

    EW!!! Gawd awful!

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  • December 17, 2008

    gokarm

    What amuses me is that the thing WAS 192 pounds and has since dropped to 30. AND if that’s not bad enough…it’s sold out. Unbelievable.

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  • December 17, 2008

    kj

    Maybe it was purchased with thoughts of cutting off the beads. Thats what I would do.

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  • December 17, 2008

    Rock Hyrax

    The beads aren’t only attached to the top, but to the bottom too, so how on earth would anyone put it on without getting tangled up in the beads or breaking any of the connections with one false move?

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  • December 17, 2008

    Amanda Nicole

    Haha, that photoshopped chunk from the model’s crotch is spectacularly bad. Almost detracts from the wall of hippie beads.

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  • December 18, 2008

    deka

    ridiculous
    the top and bottom should be a solid color
    http://www.thatshideous.com

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  • December 18, 2008

    chocoholic

    They make her look pregnant!

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  • January 9, 2009

    kiko

    Not only would the shadows make even the skinniest among us look thick in the middle, the tanlines, as mentioned, would be a sight to be seen. I would actually really like to see the resulting tanlines…
    And they must have used paint to edit the crotch, that’s godawful.

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  • May 30, 2009

    Diandra

    Ugh! When I first read the title, I was thinking of a regular bikini with a few beads on the string in the middle of the top, and I thought, “Aw, what’s wrong with that?”…Then I saw this. Yeuch.

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  • June 5, 2010

    chfddhdnjdcc

    I don’t get why it’s so bad.

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  • February 27, 2012

    joline

    this seems like it would make anyone look fatter than they really are like this model

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Bad Bikinis: the lopsided bra by Three as Four

Lopsided_bikini

We see some strange sights in the course of our work here at The Fashion Police, but this one is just plain baffling. Why would you want to create this odd, "lopsided boobs" effect, by wearing two different styles of bra top in one, we wonder? And then to attempt to replicate that effect with the briefs? We’re stumped, we really are.

Our amazement at the appearance of this Three as Four bikini, however, pales into insignificance when you consider the fact that the retail price of this garment was £452 – over $800. OK, it’s been slashed to "just" £182 in the sale, but even so – £182 to look like this? That’s a Fashion Crime in itself…

11 Comments

  • August 7, 2008

    Janers

    This is mean, but I think it would only work on Tara Reid.

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  • August 7, 2008

    Edith Purdy

    THIS. IS. REALLY. UGLY.
    MY. EYES. ARE. BLEEDING.

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  • August 7, 2008

    KT

    Why. Just why.
    I’ve never understood the asymmetrical-shape thing. It’s rarely flattering and only occasionally interesting.

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  • August 7, 2008

    Amanda

    if it doesn’t work on the model’s rack, it ain’t gonna work on mine.

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  • August 7, 2008

    Arielle

    I could see this being used as a costume in some crummy B movie set in the future.

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  • August 7, 2008

    Ash

    Wow. Um, this is… interesting. Not in a good way. It’s kind of confusing, really.

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  • August 7, 2008

    Daisy

    That is one awkward bikini.

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  • August 8, 2008

    gokarm

    this makes me want to cough…there’s no flow to it…eesh, it’s rather successful in it’s discomfort.

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  • August 8, 2008

    Nina

    If you need everyone to STARE at you at the pool, you’re sure to get loads of attention with this, um, THING.

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  • August 8, 2008

    Glamfille

    Couldn’t decide, eh? I feel you, people, sometimes deadline hits you like a brick.

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  • August 10, 2008

    kate

    LOL looks like it was sewn by my brother

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