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Giesswein Westerdorf denim rubber boots

Style on Trial: Denim wellies

We know that colourful wellies are very popular these days – and not just for festival goers.  But then we came across this pair which have a jeans-style denim print and we wondered what you would think of them?  The brown part is supposed to look like leather, apparently. Tell us what you think in the comments: are they a do or a don’t?  And if you want to buy them, they are €74 at Giesswein (who also stock all manner of other colourful rain boots).

Proenza Schouler layered silk slip dress

Underwear as Outerwear: Proenza Schouler slip dress

It is one thing to design a pretty slip dress, but quite another to design (what we think is) a pretty slip dress and then put an ugly sheer outer layer over the top of it.  So you have a slip dress stuck to…another slip dress.  And what’s with the ruffles on the shoulders and around the hem, Proenza Schouler?  If you are trying to pass this off as an ordinary dress, we’re not fooled.  Even the poor model is slightly embarrassed, taking a shifty look around to see whether anyone is watching her being photographed in her underwear. What do you think though?  Have you embraced the whole ‘underwear as outerwear trend’ and think that this would make the…

Louis de Gama silk button through shirt dress with contrast yoke panels

Tents: Not just for summer festivals

Louis de Gama calls this a ‘silk button through shirt dress with contrast yoke panels’.  We call it a tent, which the model has to hold down at the back to avoid flashing her bottom at the photographer.  Seriously, watch the catwalk video on the ASOS website and it’s almost indecent. The model here is 5’10” so if you like this dress, we implore you to refrain from actually buying it unless you are considerably shorter than our girl.  But tell us, is it a shapeless sack, or cutting edge fashion? If you do want to buy this, it’s £215 from ASOS.

Rick Owens asymmetric skort

The reverse mullet skirt: Rick Owens’ asymmetric skort

At first glance we thought this was just a skirt: but look closer.  There is, in fact, a pair of shorts peeking out from under the front hemline.: From the back it does indeed look like just a skirt, creating some sort of reverse mullet skirt which is surely a crime of fashion in itself?  But these are the short version of those skirts-attached-to-trousers that were so popular in the late 1990s.  And that can’t possibly be a good thing.  Can it?  Tell us below, and if you want to buy this item, it is $950 at Saks Fifth Avenue.

Alexander McQueen printed silk-chiffon off-the-shoulder gown

Curtains as eveningwear at Alexander McQueen

That’s not, in fact, a curtain you are looking at above, although you could definitely be forgiven for thinking it is.  It even has pencil pleats around the neckline.  It’s not a curtain though, we promise you.  Look: Hmm…doesn’t look a whole lot less like a curtain when it’s being worn, does it? Do you want your eveningwear to look like it should be hanging in someone’s front room?  If you do, you can buy this number at Net-A-Porter for the ‘bargain’ price of £7,260.  It would be far cheaper to buy an actual curtain to get this look*. *Not really.

Topshop peach layered fringe shorts

Flapper shorts at Topshop: your thoughts?

We visit the Topshop website on a regular basis and more often than not, we can’t help but wonder just what is wrong with the designers of the clothing?  Metallic peach fringed shorts.  Need we say any more, or are you thinking crime of fashion too?  What do you think though?  Do you like these shorts?  Would you buy them?  If the answer is yes, then they can be yours for £38 by clicking here.

Diane von Furstenberg Ceasar skirt-romper

When is a skirt also a romper?

No, that post title isn’t the opening line of some lame joke, but the answer can be found in the garment we present here.  When we first spied this skirt we thought it was a bit, well, odd, with its open sides and mini skirt underlay.  But then we looked again and realised that this skirt?  Is actually a romper too!  Behold: And there you have it.  The magically transforming skirt/romper.  And for skirt/romper read: crime of fashion. If you want the ability to convert your skirt into a romper at any given opportunity, you can buy this Diane von Furstenberg number for $265 at Shopbop.  All we ask though is that you put something underneath it as the top…

River Island blue peep toe hi tops

Shoe Style on Trial: River Island peep toe hi tops

Denim booties anyone?  With a peep toe?  And laser cut outs?  And diamante?  We think River Island  have scored a hat trick of ugliness here – or is a hat trick just 3?  A hat trick plus one then.  We spied these shoes in store recently and can confirm that they are every bit as bad in real life as they look here.  We can’t think of anything else River Island could have done to these to make them any worse than they are. What do you think though?  Could these be worse than they are?  Do you like your hi tops with added diamante and laser cutting?  If you want to buy these, they are £26.99 at River Island.

Toddler shoes collage

Dressing Like A Toddler: Child-like shoes now available

We have talked before about the fondness designers have for creating children’s garments in adult sizes: the proliferation of adult onesies, dungarees and pants with room for a diaper only serves to reinforce our opinion on this matter.  But now the footwear designers are getting in on the act too, creating shoes to complete your dressing like a toddler ensemble.  Check out the examples above.  On the left is a pair of red patent T bars by Shelleys (which we are fairly sure we had when we were 5).  On the right is a pair of the type of summer shoes you would be forced to wear for school in the summer as a child.  Not only are they juvenile,…

Sestra Moja Annette silk crepe palazzo pants

The importance of choosing the correct top with your palazzo pants

Palazzo pants.  Gorgeous, wide, flowy, leg-lengthening trousers, right?  Well, yes, until you pair them with a long top: Way to half the length of your model’s legs, ASOS.  (She can’t quite believe it either – look at her face.) The moral of this tale?  Wear your top outside your palazzo pants at your peril! You can buy these Sestra Moja silk pants for £150 at ASOS.

Sauce pineapple tank top

Hey, Pineapple boobs!

Do you really want to walk around with pineapples instead of boobs?  And saggy pineapple boobs at that?  Really?  Apparently the pineapples are glittery too.  We don’t think that helps matters. If you disagree, and think that fruit is the next big thing in chest-wear, this is by Sauce, and you can buy it for $62 at Shopbop.

Emilio Pucci lace-up suede thigh-high boots

Pointless Footwear: Peep toe thigh high boots

We would love these boots by Emilio Pucci were it not for the peep toe.  And you see that opening in the lacing over the foot part?  Sadly it’s a real opening.  And that is why we are throwing them in Fashion Police jail: for being utterly pointless.  When can you wear thigh high boots with an open foot and peep toe and not have hot legs/cold feet/wet socks. Someone must have been buying these though, as they are sold out in all but two sizes.  If you can think of a good time to wear these please tell us.  And if you have a spare £1,375 and want to buy one of the few remaining pairs, they are available…

Rick Owens organza trimmed leather wedge sandal

Frankenshoes: Rick Owens organza trimmed wedges

These shoes will “lend your evening look an instant hit of high-fashion drama” say Net-a-Porter.  For £1,200 we would hope they would do more than lend it to us!  We’re not sure what we dislike most about these: the fact that they are a boot pretending to be a sandal, or the crazy organza attachment around the ankle.  From the side they’ve got a Mohawk, look: What do you think though?  Are these a must have to go with your new evening frock or do you find them as ugly as we do?  If you like them they are available at Net-a-Porter.

Topshop banana print leggings

Go bananas at Topshop!

We know bright colours and prints are ‘bang on trend’ (to coin a phrase we hate) for this summer, but banana print leggings?  Really?  Isn’t that taking tropical print a little too far? We are curious to know what you think of these and how you would style them up (if, indeed you would style them up).  If you like these and want to wear bananas on your legs this season, you can buy them at Topshop for £20.

Sass and Bide Spare Thoughts draped stretch jersey pants

Diaper pants: Sass and Bide do the work for you

We’ve often mentioned that we don’t like dropped crotch pants because they make it look as though you could be wearing a diaper.  Well Sass and Bide have cut out the middle man and put the ‘diaper’ feature on the outside of these pants, just to let everyone know that that, in fact, is the reason for the excess fabric around your hip and crotch area. What do you think though?  Do you want your pants complete with this kind of attachment?  Would you pay £475 for the privilege?  If you would, you can buy these at Net-a-Porter but be quick: they’re sold out in some sizes already!

Christopher Kane laser-cut leather pleated skirt

Christopher Kane’s ‘eye popping’ skirt

Net-a-Porter call this an “eye popping take on a ladylike design”.  Well it’s certainly that alright, but we’re not sure we want our eyes popped quite that much.  If you feel like you need sunglasses to look at your skirt, that’s probably a sign that it’s a bit too bright folks. This is made of pleated leather, and the lace design has been laser cut which we suppose goes some way to justifying the £1,610 price tag.  But where would you wear a neon yellow pencil skirt?   If you have any ideas where to wear it, we’d love to know and you can buy it here.

Balmain embellished flag-print leather motocross jacket

Daylight Robbery? Balmain embellished motocross jacket

 This jacket is £12,095 (no, that’s not a typo) and it is sold out.  You could buy two small cars for that price!  Yet there are enough people willing to buy this to clean out Net-a-Porter’s stock of it.  We can’t really comprehend that. If you are willing to wait (and have a second mortgage in order to pay for it), you can click here to be alerted should more come in to stock.

Starstyling holograph leggings

Style on Trial: Culottes

Culottes were very popular in the early 1990s and they seem to be having something of a resurgence this spring. Naturally, then, we’re interested to discover what you think of them.  Are they just the next step from a wide leg trouser?  Are they a practical alternative to a skirt?  Would you wear them? The pair above are £38 from Topshop, but they are popping up all over the high street this season.

Barbour quilted shirt jacket

Fashion Police for the Boys: Barbour quilted shirt jacket

This article of clothing is confused.  It doesn’t know whether it’s a shirt or a jacket.  Neither do we, come to that.  The quilting would suggest it’s a jacket, but the slim cut makes it a shirt.  Oh, now our heads hurt.  Whilst we go and lie down for a while, tell us what you think of this.  Is it a shirt or a jacket?  Gentlemen readers: would you wear it?  Ladies: would you want your fella to wear it? If you want to buy it, it’s £90 at ASOS.

Starstyling holograph leggings

Daylight Robbery? Starstyling holograph leggings

Is everyone else seeing a pair of fishnet tights with a few sequins stuck to them?  Good, so are we.  Topshop however, see £145 of leggings.  That’s right folks, £145!  And they’re calling them “leggings”.  Now repeat after us: leggings are not pants.  Fishnet anything are not leggings. But wait!  It gets worse!