Five Crimes of Fashion: Ashish and the $2000 sequined skeleton suit and more

1. The Overpriced Halloween Costume

(Ashish skeleton top and pants, £1,265, Browns. Click here to buy them.)

Either Halloween has come early this year, or April Fools has arrived late. We say this because a) When else would you find yourself in need of a sequined skeleton suit but Halloween? and b) $2000? For THIS? You have GOT to be kidding us. And OK, sure, we get that it’s sequined, which is probably painstaking work and which, for some brands, i a great excuse to hike up the price. And we also get that it could be a humorous thing to wear. But at the same time, we reckon these three words say it all:

SEQUINED

SKELETON

SUIT

Well, it’s certainly scary, we’ll give it that. Almost as scary as THIS, in fact:

2. The Harem Hybrid

(Preen ‘Serpent’ skirt, $490, Shopbop: click here to buy)

That’s right, it;s a skirt that’s been made to look like our old enemy, the harem pants. Because nothing says “Whoops, I just filled my adult diaper!” than a saggy crotch, does it? The special sadness of this item is that while it wouldn’t exactly have been a stunning skirt, it would’ve at least looked better than harem pants… if they’d only just managed to resist the impulse to attach it awkwardly at the ankle:


It’s half skirt, half harem. Tragic. And puzzling.

Also puzzling:

3. The Stuck-Together-Clothes Crime

(John Richmond jeans, £225, Yoox. Click here to buy them.)

You know, we quite like the look of thigh-high boots worn over skinny jeans, too, John Richmond. Only when they’re ACTUAL boots, though. These ones? Aren’t? Boots, that is. No, they’re just boot legs. And they’re attached to the jeans. Why would you even…? How would you…? Yeah. A stuck-together-clothes crime if ever we saw one.

4. The Sack Dress

(Pinafore dress, £200, Topshop: out of stock)

Now, we daresay you could use some creative belting to make this look a little bit better than it does at the moment, but if you’re a Fashion Police regular, you know the rules: if you can use the word “sack” to describe an item of clothing, it’s probably a crime of fashion. This particular one is also an unsolved mystery, because despite looking like it belongs in the wardrobe department of Little House on the Prairie, it’s sold out in all sizes. Would you pay £200 for this? Only if you were comfortable being asked when you’re due, we guess…

5. The Writing’s On the Dress

(Balenciaga dress, £290: click here to buy it)

We’re actually in two minds about this dress. Even although it makes the model look like a midget who ripped a page out of a magazine and wrapped it around herself (or perhaps just an average-sized person, with a giant magazine?), we don’t hate it. Then again, we don’t generally want people to come up to us and try to READ our clothes while we’re wearing them, and you just know that’s what would happen. Admit it, you want to know what it says, don’t you? Here you go:

So what do you think? Would you wear any of these? Which do you think is the worst offender?

12 Comments

  • July 5, 2011

    ronke

    Actually the “sack dress” with a bright yellow belt might not look so bad in summer…it would let the breeze in! lol

    The newspaper writing dress – I have mixed feelings about that…. its not exactly ugly… its just… *shrugs*

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  • July 5, 2011

    Aleutie

    I absolutely LOVE dress number 5. So what if people want
    to come up and read my bottom – let them read.

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  • July 5, 2011

    Nell

    hmmmm… the sequined *thing* has to be the worst offender… Most because of the price. Over £1000 for that? You’ve gotta be kidding me…?

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  • July 5, 2011

    royalpriestess

    Designers in their delusional world of creativity… Puke.

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  • July 5, 2011

    Ruth

    I think those jeans are the worst! *vom*
    And I really love the balenciaga dress, especially the shape of the hem! Doubt Id have occasion to wear it, but doesnt mean I cant love it 🙂

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  • July 5, 2011

    Jeepster

    The skeleton suit is just ridiculous, they didn’t even make the bones look any good! It looks like something a five year old boy would wear.

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  • July 6, 2011

    Spooki

    LOL that skeleton suit looks like some crap you’d see on QVC around Halloween. Also, if it was priced considerably less I am certain I have an aunt that would totally wear it paired with a bloody mary and a couple dozen chocolate bars on Halloween.

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  • July 6, 2011

    Lulu

    John Richmond gets life without parole for those boot-jeans and should be thankful to escape a hanging.

    The Ashish skeleton suit, on the other hand, intrigues me. (I fear that the “Spooki” above may be my niece.) Those of us who have put on a few pounds in middle-age can always use a snappy little outfit that makes us look slimmer.
    You’ve got to admit that skeleton could work wonders!

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  • July 6, 2011

    Rina

    I like Balenciaga dress very much. It encompasses what I want a dress to have – lack of roses all over is a good start.
    Art/fashion/perception/statement/attitude/cut/colour/visual play/blurred boundaries/challenging status quos etc, you get the point – love it, for the same reasons I hate 50s style. Maybe I am on a wrong site. Scratch that, definitely on the wrong site. Cheerio.
    PS. Couldn’t really share your scorn for Preen skirt either.

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  • July 6, 2011

    link

    the hipster in me really wants the skeleton top. but only if i can buy it at a thrift store for $1, and no one else owned one. yep, that sounds hipster enough for me.

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  • July 7, 2011

    Olga

    I love the “sack” dress. It’s not that much of a sack I believe it’s meant to be belted below the bust. The colors are great too.

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  • January 9, 2012

    Millar Boddington

    Oh god, some times i hate conservative people. THESE ASHISH PIECES ARE GREAT.

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