Crimes of Fashion

From the ‘Where Would You Wear It?” Files…

mesh leggings

Mesh leggings. MESH. LEGGINGS. If ever there were two words that should never appear in a sentence, “mesh” and “leggings” would be those words. Alarmingly, these aren’t the worst example we’ve ever seen, but that doesn’t necessarily exonerate them, does it? They definitely wouldn’t pass the “where would you wear them?” test (In which you have two seconds to come up with somewhere to wear the item in question: if you can’t do it, it’s guilty as charged…), let’s put it that way.

Three more words that shouldn’t ever been used in the same sentence – or, more accurately, in the same product description:

long scuba swimsuit

Long scuba swimsuit“. The “scuba” and “swimsuit” bits we can live with – nothing wrong with that. It’s when you add the word “long”, however, that things start to stray into “fashion crime” territory. What’s the point of the “half a leg” thing, after all? Why would you need it on a swimsuit? Why is it attached to the model’s ankle? Wouldn’t that be kinda annoying when you tried to walk? Can you even SWIM it it? Or is it one of those swimsuits that’s “just for show”? There are all questions which the prosecution would like to put to this swimsuit: we hope it has a good lawyer…

Finally, we know WHERE you’d wear these shoes

Vivienne Westwood toe shoes

Pretty much anywhere you’d wear shoes would work, wouldn’t it? We just don’t know WHY you’d wear them, and we never have. Sure, we know the “toe shoe” is Vivienne Westwood’s thing, and if you’re a fan, it’s a pretty iconic look. We also know that so many people love these shoes that if we tried to arrest them, we’d probably get ourselves lynched or something, so we’ll give them a pass – for now, at least…

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