Crimes of Fashion

5 Fashion Crimes You *Really* Shouldn’t Commit

crimes of fashion

As our regular readers will know by now, our tongues are inserted firmly in our cheeks when we write for The Fashion Police, and most of our pronouncements on these pages are really just a matter of taste. One person’s crime of fashion is another’s most wanted item, and so on and so forth.

There are, however, just a few things that we think really ARE “crimes” of fashion: you won’t go to jail for them, but all the same, we reckon you should run, don’t walk, from the following…

01.  Wearing things just because they’re fashionable

Hands up everyone who wore Birkenstocks last year, just because they were, like, SO on trend? Have you bought yourself a pair of glove shoes, yet? You will – because glove shoes are this year’s Birkenstock, and if you want to keep up with the fashion pack, you’re going to have to wear them. Or, you know, here’s a revolutionary thought: you could just not bother? Obviously if you GENUINELY love an item, then wear it until it falls apart, and don’t let anyone convince you not to – but if you’re wearing it just because you desperately want to be fashionable, and you secretly don’t like it all that much, then you’ve turned yourself into a fashion victim: and fashion victims NEVER look stylish. Speaking of fashion victims…

02. Buying things because “they’re designer!”

Some people are still super-impressed by the idea of wearing clothes with designer labels – to the extent that they don’t really care what the item looks like, as long as it’s OMGDESIGNER, they’ll buy it. These people tend to have no real sense of style of their own, so they use the presence of a designer label as “proof” that the item is stylish. Often, they’ll take a “the bigger, the better” approach to this, ending up wearing clothes emblazoned with giant logos, just to prove they had the money to buy them. They’re not impressing anyone, but they ARE keeping Moschino in business, so there’s that…

03. Wearing things because they look good on someone else

Look, we’ve all been there: you see someone looking amazing in a particular outfit or item, so you rush to copy it – only to end up looking nothing like the person you so admired. The fact is, we’re all different: what looks good on one person might look terrible on someone else, and vice versa, so it’s important to wear the clothes that look good on YOU, not the clothes that look good on other people. This sounds so obvious that it’s barely worth saying, but SO many people commit this “crime” every day: they don’t understand why the look doesn’t work on them, so they just keep on wearing it, instead of finding something that WILL work, instead. Don’t do that.

04. Not ironing your clothes

Yeah, yeah, we know: YOU’VE got BETTER things to do than iron your clothes! YOU have a LIFE, and you’re not going to waste it by standing around ironing all day, are you? We’ll never understand why this is, but for some reason, the very idea of ironing makes some people super-defensive, and even angry – they don’t want to iron, and you can’t make them: in fact, if you even try, they’ll start spitting venom and telling you to “get a life”, just like they have. “I don’t even OWN an iron!” they’ll say, bursting with pride – as if not owning an iron somehow makes them a better person than those who do. Here’s the thing, though: ironing your clothes makes them look better  – it just does. (And yes, we CAN tell that you didn’t bother: sorry.) Yes, you DO have time: if you don’t want to stand at the ironing board for hours, just take a few minutes to run the iron over your outfit before you put it on – unless you think you could maybe cure cancer, write a prize-winning novel, or do any of those much-more-important things that make ironing a compete impossibility for you?

05. Sticking to the same style forever

There comes a point in many people’s style evolution where they just stop evolving, and stick to the same things, worn in the same way, for years on end. Now, we’re big fans of developing a “uniform” of sorts, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with knowing what you like, but if you NEVER update your closet/look, you WILL end up looking dated – and not in a cute, retro-inspired way, either. You don’t have to slavishly follow trends – that was number 1 on our list, after all – but don’t be afraid to try something new every now and then: you never know where it might take you…

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