Crimes of Fashion, Shirts & Tops

Shirt Story

Shirts. We don’t find ourselves arresting them too often here, because, well, they’re shirts. Seriously, how badly wrong can you go with a classic button-down shirt? Well, we’ll tell you. THIS is how badly wrong you can go:

moschino shirt

[Buy it here]

It’s Moschino. Obviously. Well, it’s not like many other brands would pull a stunt like this, is it? They’ll tell you they’re making a little joke, like, “this is how we made your shirt”, but, as always with Moschino, the real joke is on you, because you just paid £680 for something that looks like the pattern for a shirt rather than the shirt itself. If you’ll buy that, however, you’ll probably buy anything, so how about this one:

denim shirt dress

Buy it here

They’re calling this one a shirt dress, but… we all know it’s really just a shirt, right? What’s more, it’s the kind of shirt that might have been acceptable in the eighties (sing it with us, people), but now it’s just going to make you look like you’ forgot your pants. It’s possible that the shoes will provide enough of a distraction to let you get away with it, obviously, but we wouldn’t count on it.

Also acceptable in the eighties was this particular shade of neon…

neon shirt dress

Buy it here

…which ASOS have helpfully labelled AS neon, just in case it wasn’t clear enough. Are you all getting that this is neon? Good, because we’d hate for you to have to take a closer look to be sure – you might hurt your eyes. The shirt dress itself is actually designed to be worn on the beach (that’s why you can see the model’s underwear, which we assume is a bikini), so we’re not going to argue with the transparent nature of the beast – we just want someone to reassure us that this whole neon trend is going to be over soon. It can’t last forever, can it? CAN IT?

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