Crimes of Fashion

Colourful enough for ya?

Ladies and gentlemen of the Fashion Police jury, the ‘new in’ section of Net-a-Porter this morning:

Dolce & Gabbana print

WHOA. We think our eyeballs are on fire. And, you know, it’s not really fair to lump all  of these items together, really. We have a feeling that, on their own, some of them might be fine – in fact, some of them (like the bag, for instance), might actually be quite pretty. Put them all together, though, and… well, it’s just a bit louder than we’d like, first thing in the morning. We’re going to sentence each of these items to solitary confinement for a few days: by which we mean they should only ever be worn with the simplest of colours and styles: and even then, you’ll probably want a pair of dark glasses.

Meanwhile, also at Net-a-Porter, we found this gem, from Stella McCartney:

Stella McCartney knitted dress

Confused? We were. Because they describe it as a “dress”, but we couldn’t help but notice that it appears to be a dress for just half a person. Or half of a person’s body, anyway. Sure enough:

Stella McCartney dresses

Now, bearing in mind that the layer underneath it is ALSO a dress (and also £645, bringing this outfit to a total cost of £1,340), here we have a situation where the model is wearing TWO very expensive dresses simultaneously. What’s the point of a £695 dress that requires ANOTHER dress to make it wearable, we wonder? Is it really just a very long, very lopsided (very EXPENSIVE) scarf?

Finally, from a dress-that-needs-another-dress underneath it, to a dress that doesn’t require anything else at all – because it already comes complete with attached knitwear:

Thakoon mini dress

This is a straightforward case of “stuck together clothes”: it is, however, a particularly strange one, given that the combined clothes look a lot like a child’s school uniform. You could recreate this for very little money at home, OR you could pay around £300 for it at Net-a-Porter: up to you!

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