Crimes of Fashion, Trousers/Pants

The Ball of Fire Shorts

Ball of fire shorts

Ball of Fire Shorts, $535

For once, we’re speechless.

It’s… a pair of sports shorts with what appears to be some long, white hair attached to the crotch.

And it’s $535.

We’ve seen a lot of truly inexplicable items of clothing in our time at The Fashion Police, but this is up there with the strangest of them. The designer, Bernard Willhelm, calls this piece, ” a perfect failure”. We’d say at least one of those words is true: it’s up to you to decide which one.

Before we  finish this post, let’s just take a few moments to remember this skirt:

ripped denim skirt

Ripped denim skirt, £96

Poor thing. It used to be just an ordinary denim skirt – one you’d wear back in 2002, say – until the Clothes Ripper attacked. Now look at it! You can even see the pocket interior hanging sadly into the gaping hole in the thigh, and if the model moves the wrong way, we just might get a flash of her underwear, too! (Even if that’s not technically possible, you just know everyone will be looking and hoping for a wardrobe malfunction, don’t you?)

Seriously, though: this whole ‘distressed denim’ thing has been going on forever now, and it seems we’re the only ones who are “distressed” by it. It just looks so fake and silly to us – and the exact opposite of what “distressed denim” should be. When we think of ripped jeans, we think of ones that look like they’ve been worn and loved – and have faded and torn naturally. We’re not saying we love the look, but we do, at least, understand it. This, on the other, hand, is the opposite of effortless – it’s so obvious that someone just took a pair of scissors to this skirt and hacked a couple of holes into it, for the express purpose of being “fashionable”. Curious.

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