Crimes of Fashion, Shoes

Feathered Fashion Fails

This week, our officers identified a troubling new mini-trend: the feathered shoe:

feathered mules

[feathered mules]

My Theresa describes these as “the epitome of sheer elegance”. We, meanwhile, would describe them more like, “the epitome of roadkill, lying there all sad and bedraggled on the ground.” What’s that you say? They’re NOT actually “bedraggled”? Well, not NOW they’re not, but imagine what they’d look like after you’d taken even a very short walk in them? Even if you only ever wear them indoors, you’re going to end up with clean floors (Which we guess would be kind of cool, actually: you get to clean your house without actually feeling like you’re cleaning your house…), but very dirty shoes. Wear them on a city street, meanwhile, and just imagine the kind of things that would get stuck to those feathers! Maybe if they had some kind of heel, to lift them off the ground a little? Perhaps that would work ?

feathered mary janes feathered mary janes

[feathered Mary Janes]

Or perhaps not, on second thoughts.

These ones are pale, so they’re going to get even dirtier, even quicker. Still, it’s your £700 you’re spending, so go for it…

You may be wondering what you’d wear with these shoes, though. May we suggest this:

feathered mini skirt

[feathered mini skirt]

Feathered mini skirts are one of those items that are unaccountably popular. For some people, they actually ARE the epitome of style, and they consider them to wonderfully whimsical and almost intimidatingly stylish, with only the select few possessing the necessary levels of style to pull them off. (You want to tell us we obviously don’t have that level of style, if we don’t like this. You are right. Importantly, though: we don’t care.) Whether or not skirts like this actually look good is purely a matter of personal taste, of course. One thing we do agree with the feathered skirt lovers on, however, is that not many people can pull this look off. In fact, most people will look absolutely ridiculous in something like this, as if they forgot their actual skirt, and ended up just wrapping a giant feather boa around their waists instead. Maybe 2% of the population will actually look good in it: if you’re in that 2%, we salute you – go ahead and wear your feathers with pride!

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