Crimes of Fashion, Shoes

Socks and stilettos, from Jeffrey Campbell

white stilettos with lurex socks

[Buy them here]

Remember when white stilettos used to be considered a crime of fashion?

Wait, scratch that: you’re all probably too young to remember those days, aren’t you? There was a time, however, when white stilettos were a key part of the whole “Essex girl” stereotype, and were just about as tacky as it was possible for a pair of shoes to get. Those days are long gone, of course, but sometimes once your brain has made a particular association, it can be hard to shake it, so, for us, it’s hard to see white stilettos without also thinking of orange fake tan, long acrylic fingernails (ideally with some kind of diamanté accessories stuck to them), and spidery false eyelashes.

It’s even harder, of course, for us to look at white stilettos when they have a pair of lurex socks attached to them. And by “white stiletttos”, we mean “any shoes”. And by “lurex socks” we mean “any socks”. If you’re familiar with The Fashion Police, you’re probably familiar with our feelings on shoes with socks attached to them: we won’t get into the details, because we’ve said it all before, but we will just say we’re not in the least bit surprised to find that this particular example comes from hardened fashion criminal, Jeffrey Campbell.

We’ll also just say that, as much as we dislike stuck-together-clothes, they’re still better than this:

gladiator sandals

Gladiator sandals: the scourge of summer fashion. Like Birkenstocks and Crocs before them, we can’t think of a single outfit that wouldn’t look instantly worse with the addition of these clunky, strappy sandals. We’ve said it before, but we miss the days when shoes were simply beautiful: today’s footwear fashions seem to be an attempt at intentional ugliness, and to be considered “fashion forward”, you need simply wear something that doesn’t look quite right: which makes us happy to not be “fashionable”…

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