Crimes of Fashion

Skirt, Sandals, Socks

Birkenstocks with socks

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Back in the summer, Birkenstocks (or Birkenstock-style sandals) all of a sudden became the height of fashion, and every edgy fashionista dutifully rushed out and bought a pair. There they all were, clomping around in hideous shoes, declaring that they’d “always” loved them – even although they had never even mentioned them before that moment, and actually wouldn’t have been caught dead in them until they were officially declared “bang on trend.”

Meanwhile, all those people who actually HAD always worn Birkenstocks – mostly for reasons that had absolutely nothing to do with being “bang on trend” – silently seethed at unwittingly being made to look like fashion victims, just for continuing to wear what they liked. These were mostly people who really couldn’t give a toss about fashion, and yet suddenly there they were, at the vanguard of style. Funny how that happens sometimes, isn’t it?

The Fashion Police decided just to wait the whole thing out. We personally hated the Birkenstock trend (By which we mean “people wearing Birkenstocks in an attempt to be fashionable, not just because they’re comfortable”), and had a sneaking suspicion that all those women pairing ugly sandals with delicate dresses, and claiming they’d “always” loved that look, would look back at photos of themselves in 10 years time (or maybe even sooner) and wonder what the hell they were thinking. It was the kind of trend that you’ll one day find yourself having to explain to your grandchildren with the words, “Well, you know, EVERYONE wore them back then. It was important to us to be “edgy”, and the easiest way to work out how ‘edgy’ something was, was by working out how ‘ugly’ it was. So we wore really ugly stuff, and that made us edgy, and everyone praised us.” And they’ll look at you pityingly and back away slowly, saying, “Yes, grandma, time for your medicine…”

It’s sad but true that “edgy” is often just another word for “ugly” these days. It’s also sad but true that someone thought it was a good idea to pair this perfectly nice skirt with the kind of saggy grey socks and sandals combination that will get you instantly arrested for crimes of fashion – and that someone else will copy it, too.

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