Crimes of Fashion

This dress is ‘armful

dress with four sets of arms

[Buy it here]

It’s not often we get to make the same bad joke twice in quick succession, but having recently shown you the ‘armless coat, we couldn’t resist pointing out its opposite – the ‘armful dress. (As in, it’s full of arms…)

Yes, Fashion Force, this dress has twice the usual amount of arms (Although, in its defence, only two of them appear to be functional), and the model looks every bit as confused by that fact as we are. Her facial expression in the second image says it all: she’s all, “Seriously? You want me to WEAR this thing?” Never forget that Modelling Is Hard, people.

In addition to the fact that the dress basically has a sweater attached to the front of it, the back is also longer than the front, creating even more of a mish-mash of different hem lengths. While you work out what you think of that (or maybe you don’t need any time to work that out?), here’s another question for you to ponder:

see through flared trousers

[Buy them here]

Why are these sheer flares £1,303? (Other than the fact that they’re by Balmain, we mean.) Why do they even exist? How could you walk in them – especially in spike-heeled stilettos – without ripping the delicate fabric to shreds? Assuming that the model is the usual height for a model (i.e. taller than average), can you imagine what these would look like on someone of average height, or less? And again: how on earth could you wear them without falling over? Would you have to buy shoes like these?

ugly trousers and flatform shoes

[Buy them here]

OK, so that was quite a few more questions for you to ponder. Sorry about that. These questions need answers, though, so if you think you have an explanation for the existence of any of these items – or would like to have a go at telling us when and how you’d wear them – you know what to do: call the Fashion Police!

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