Crimes of Fashion, Dresses

We’re, like, totally obsessed with this orange Valentino dress

orange Valentino dress

Valentino orange silk dress, $3,700

We’ve always hated it when people use the word “brave” to describe someone’s fashion choices. Not only is it something of a back-handed compliment to give someone, (“Oh, that’s such a BRAVE choice!” is generally fashion-speak for, “Wow, what a hot mess!”) it also leaves you with no way to describe things that are ACTUALLY “brave”. If wearing clothes is “brave”, how do you describe someone who runs into a burning building to rescue a kitten, for instance? You’d have no words, would you?

(See also: people who use the word “OBSESSED” when what they actually mean is “I glanced at this, and I quite like it, but I’ll have forgotten all about it by the time I’ve moved onto the next photo on my Instagram stream. “OMG, I am, like, SO OBSESSED with this jacket!” No, you’re really not. And if you really ARE obsessed with a jacket: seek help. Seriously. But we digress.)

Where were we? Oh yeah, this dress.

So, we hate it when people use the word “brave” in connection with fashion, but we’re nothing if not inconsistent, so we’re going to do it anyway, and declare that you’d have to be pretty brave – or at least to genuinely not give a damn what people think of you* –  in order to wear it. For one thing, everyone’s going to assume you’re pregnant, you can take that as read. Now, that might not matter to you  – we’ve read that it’s unfashionable to care about whether your clothing is flattering or not – but we reckon most non-pregnant people probably DO care just a little bit when people repeatedly ask them if they’re in the family way. For another thing, people are probably also going to assume you’re a Buddhist monk who’s lost their way – or are in costume as a Buddhist monk, which could be just as awkward. (Not that there’s anything wrong with being a Buddhist monk, obviously, but if you’re NOT one, the constant questions could get old after a while…). For a third thing, you’re going to be the centre of attention aaalll night. Because you’ll be the person in the giant orange dress, obviously.  (You might like that, of course. It’s hard to know why you’d wear something like this if you DIDN’T want to be the centre of attention.)

Oh, and finally: your bank account will be almost $4,000 lighter, and this is what you’ll have to show for it.

So, whaddya think: would you wear it? 

(*This is as opposed to the type of “not giving a damn” in which the wearer of the clothes works very hard to cultivate a “don’t give a damn” attitude/appearance, whilst actually caring very much indeed what you think of their outfit. Fashion: it’s like a whole different language, isn’t it?)

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