October, 2014

Help fight these terrible trouser crimes

Please note, Fashion Force: this is not a drill. These are not simply expensive Halloween costumes – even although they look like they are. These are actual fashion items, designed to be worn in your day-to-day life. Tell us, though: would you wear these? [Buy them here for £432] It’s testament to the length of time we’ve been in the fashion crime-fighting business that our first thought upon seeing these wasn’t, “OMG, see-through pants!” but “Well, at least they’re not TOTALLY sheer…” And they’re not. There are some embroidered sections to, er, protect your modesty. Just make sure you wear your best undies with them: we’ll know if you don’t. [Buy them here for £165] We’ve been fighting the good…

foot snatcher

The Foot Snatcher Strikes at Haider Ackermann

The Foot Snatcher is a dangerous fashion criminal who snatches the feet of unsuspecting fashion victims. The Snatcher’s usual weapon of choice is a pair of overly-long pants, however, as these poor models discovered, there are other ways to snatch feet, too: Buy it here for £1650 We THINK that’s a skirt, but it could also be long pants. Or it could simply be a blanket wrapped around the model’s waist. What we DO know is that it surely has to be hard to walk with all of that fabric swirling around your feet ,no? Hard, and also kinda filthy. Imagine the hems of that skirt/trouser/whatever it is after a short stroll along the average city street. Now imagine them…

strange sweaters

Not Your Average Sweaters

It’s sweater weather! No doubt you’ll have already seen a million fashion editorials, and a million-and-one blog posts helpfully informing you of this very fact. Gone are the days when the humble sweater was the “sensible” choice for a cold day, however. No, today’s sweaters are fashion-forward, edgy and unique. And probably not much use on a cold day, come to think of it. Take a look at this suspect, for instance: Costume National Wool Vest, $999 We guess you could layer something under it if you actually wanted to beat the chill in it? You’d still look and feel like you were in a cocoon, obviously, but maybe that’s the point? Along somewhat similar lines, but with fewer cutouts,…

leather trousers

Would it sell on eBay?

We’ve been here before, we know: Jeremy Scott patent lace-up trousers, £1110 Well, not here EXACTLY, obviously. Thankfully we don’t see too many pairs of pants like this as part of mainstream fashion collections, (When we do, though, Jeremy Scott is often responsible…), but there was a trend for patent skirts last winter, and it looks like some factions of the fashion world are attempting to resurrect it for winter 2014. The trousers at the top of the page are a fairly extreme example of this look, but here’s another version, this time from Christopher Kane: Christoper Kane coat, £3,460 This isn’t nearly as bad as the pants (although the fact that we can’t help but imagine them together will…

Style Trial | Unusually embellished denim

We realise we’re fighting a losing battle here, but we firmly believe that denim is almost always at its best when its kept nice and simple. We don’t object to a bit of distressing, and it might surprise you to know that we don’t even TOTALLY hate the look of ripped jeans. (Just as long as it’s not taken to ridiculous levels…) What we can’t really bring ourselves to love, however, is THIS kind of thing: House of Holland ripped jeans, £195 Now, we’ve seen worse, we’ll give you that. Especially from House of Holland. In fact, to be completely honest, these are really quite restrained from House of Holland. They’re also veering dangerously close to ‘subtle clown costume’ territory,…

A contender for the Fashion Criminal of the Year Award

Buy It First things first: there IS no Fashion Criminal of the Year Award. Because we don’t believe anyone should be allowed to profit from crime. If there WAS an award for the fashion crime to end all fashion crimes, however, we reckon this jumpsuit would definitely be a contender. Where do we even start with this one? Let’s see… 01. It’s a Stuck-Together-Clothes Crime. On multiple counts. A shir, stuck a sweater, stuck to leggings, stuck to stirrups… Speaking of which: 02. STIRRUP PANTS. 03. Leggings are not pants: never, ever forget… 04. The Unacceptable Use of Animal Print. We’ll overlook animal print on shoes and other accessories – maybe even on the odd coat, if we’re feeling generous. We…