Crimes of Fashion, Shoes

Strange Shoes |Footwear Fails on Trial

While browsing Louisa Via Roma this week, our undercover officers discovered the following footwear offences – or possible offences, depending on your opinion:

shoes with white fur heel

DSquared2 mink and suede pumps, £810

You’re probably never going to convince us that real fur on footwear is a good idea, but even if you could, these would have to be the least practical shoes we’ve ever seen. Seriously, that’s a white fur heel: can you even IMAGINE what it’s going to look like once you’ve walked down the street in it – or do people who buy £810 not actually walk down streets? Are they perhaps chauffeured to their appointments, and then carried from car to doorway on a litter? Because that’s the only situation in which we can imagine those heels remaining white…

Ernesto Esposito HIlary pumps

Ernesto Esposito ‘Hillary’ pumps, £225

OK, after seeing the white furry heels above, we’re actually inclined to let ‘Hillary’ here go. It’s hardly the most offensive shoe we’ve seen after all, and although it does violate our “shoes should not have faces” rule, we don’t think we’d classify it as a true crime of fashion, would you?

mongolian fur snowboots

DSquared2 Mongolian fur snow boots, £42

A lot of people seem to think snow boots should be given a free pass when it comes to style, because it’s haaard to look good in the snow, isn’t it? And who really cares what you look like in sub-zero temperatures anyway? We beg to differ: we’re not saying a snowy street should be treated as a catwalk, obviously, but we ARE saying there are snowboots out there that WON’T make you look like a woolly mammoth, and that has to be a good thing. We’re also saying we still don’t understand how white fur can possibly be practical for snow.  Or how fur can be practical for snow AT ALL, come to think of it. Do we get different snow from everyone else or something?

shoes with lipstick heel

Alberto Guardiani lipstick shoes, £484

We think we’re just going to start a “Leave Heels Alone” petition, begging designers to just let heels be heels. Not lipsticks. Not furry critters. Just… heels. Is that too much to ask?

DSquared2 sandals

DSquared2 sandals, £1870

One more thing heels shouldn’t be: er, whatever that is attached to the stiletto on this sandal. It kind of looks like a bike lock, or one of those wheel clamps traffic cops put on illegally parked cars. That makes us think The Fashion Police should maybe invest in some of these?

MSGM sandals

MSGM sandals, £545

Just… no.

Previous Post Next Post

You Might Also Like