Crimes of Fashion

Hilarious Hats: would you wear them?

They say that if you want to get ahead, get a hat. Honestly, though, the only thing THESE hats are likely to get you is a citation slip from The Fashion Police. For instance…

ostrich feather headpiece

Ostrich feather headpiece, £1139

This isn’t so much a “hat” as it’s a wig. Wear it, and you will straight-up look like you’re wearing a wig: a giant, orange, ostrich feather wig. Not keen on the orange? Don’t worry: it also comes in yellow and brown. We suspect we’re supposed to be referring to these shades as “blonde, brunette and ginger”, but that would imply that they actually look like hair, and, well, they don’t. Not unless you’re an ostrich, obviously.

feathered top hat

feathered top hat, £649

This might be suitable for ladies day at Ascot, when people compete to see who can wear the most ridiculous hat, but if you’re not going to Ascot, and you’re not Lady Gaga, we’re not sure where you’d want to wear it. Any suggestions?

Lanvin rabbit fur hat

Lanvin rabbit fur hat, £895

Here’s an excellent illustration of how to take a rabbit, and turn it into a silly hat. It’s also a good illustration of how to take a silly hat and magically make it worth £895. Try to keep your credit cards in your wallets, readers..

pink fur hat

House of Holland pink fur hat, £110

This hat, meanwhile, looked at the black version above it, and thought it just wasn’t quite BRIGHT enough. So it fixed that for ya.

rabbit-baseball-hat

Rabbit baseball hat, £209

This is at least better than the others, in the sense that it’s not a REAL rabbit. It is, however, playing right into the Dress Like a Toddler Trend, and once again making us ask: why on earth would a grown adult want to walk around with a pink bunny wabbit balanced on her head? We ask this question so often that we’re starting to think that Dressing Like a Toddler has become the new Dressing Like an Adult. Please tell us we’re wrong…

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