Crimes of Fashion, Trousers/Pants

Fashion Crimes: The ‘That Can’t Be Comfortable’ Edition

There are two types of fashion crime in the word: the clothes we wouldn’t want to wear because of the way they LOOK, and the clothes we wouldn’t want to wear because we just can’t imagine ever feeling comfortable in them.

Sometimes the discomfort is the literal kind:

leather harem shorts

Leather square gusset shorts, $510

Leather shorts don’t strike us as particularly comfortable at the best of times (IS there a “best time” for leather shorts, we wonder? ), but leather SQUARE GUSSET shorts? Nuh-uh? Even if that leather is the buttery-soft variety, can you imagine walking around with all that bunched-up leather between your legs? (Sorry, there just wasn’t a non-vulgar-sounding way of putting that…) Even worse that these are shorts, so presumably intended to be worn on warm days. We haven’t tried them, so there’s every chance they’re super-comfortable, of course, but, well, we’re probably not going to spend $510 to find out, are you?

As well as the apparent physical discomfort of certain items, however, there’s also the discomfort that comes from knowing that the slightest of movements could easily result in a wardrobe malfunction of the “here’s my underwear!” kind:

ASOS sheer stripe dress

ASOS sheer stripe dress, £22

Yes, you could always wear a slip or something under it, but that would defeat the “edgy” purpose of wearing a dress like this in the first place, wouldn’t it?

We get a similar vibe from this dress:

rick owens dress

Rick Owens dress, £208

The way it draws the eye directly to the crotch is almost uncanny, isn’t it? The only thing that would MORE effectively let people know that your crotch was almost on show would be a giant arrow pointing to it, and saying, “Hey, folks! If I make one wrong move, or there’s the slightest gust of wind, you’ll get to see my underwear!”

Our final example, meanwhile, DOESN’T carry a risk of arrest for indecent exposure: well, not unless you consider the back of the thighs to be “indecent”:

tie dye trousers

[from here]

To be fair, these are probably more… unusual… than anything else, but imagine the backs of your thighs constantly coming into contact with every cold or potentially dirty surface you might sit on or lean against. Now do you get why we think they’d be uncomfortable?

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