Crimes of Fashion

Distressed jeans are distressing

Go Jane has been on the Fashion Police radar for a while now: in fact, sometimes looking at the site is a bit like looking into out very own jail. There are a lot of things we could take issue with there (plus a few things we quite like, let’s be fair), but today we’re just plain ol’ distressed. And so are these jeans:

lime green distressed jeans

This is a good example of how careful you need to be about the placement of the rips and tears on your carefully distressed denim. A tear on the knee, or a small rip on the thigh, for instance, can create that “worn in” look that’s presumably the whole point of distressed jeans. A giant gash on the calf, however, will just make you look like you were attacked by The Clothes Ripper, that dastardly fashion criminal.

Actually, scratch that thing about rips on the thighs: they can look just as comical:

cut out boyfriend jeans

See?

As for this meanwhile:

ugly distressed jeans

This looks like what would happen if you fell asleep fully clothed, and your friends – or, more likely your foes – decided to prank you by cutting a series of holes in your jeans. Totally natural looking, no?

All of these, however, pale into insignificance when compared with THIS:

mesh jumpsuit

No, it’s not a pair of jeans: it’s a hooded mesh insert snakeskin jumpsuit – now THERE’S a selection of words we hoped never to have to use together in a sentence. Even the Go Jane copywriter had trouble recommending this one, diplomatically describing it as “not for the faint of heart”, which is a polite way of saying, “People will point and laugh”.

Also:

leopard print bomber

Either that’s a mistake with the price, or they’re ACTUALLY giving this one away. Any takers? How much WOULD you be willing to pay for the ‘All Fired Up’ leopard bomber, readers? We’re curious…

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