Greetings, Style Sleuths. We’ve no time to chat on this Fashion Crime Friday, because there are important questions which must be answered. Questions like, “Are these the ugliest jeans we’ve ever seen?”
Suspect # 1 | Possibly the ugliest jeans ever
The competition is stiff, but we do believe that, yes, these could well be the worst pair of $675 jeans we’ve ever arrested. In their defence, they ARE on sale, though… for $405. Which is MUCH more reasonable.
Suspect # 2 | The Detached Sleeve Sweater
Every so often, some brand or designer will decide it would be a unique idea to add non-functioning sleeves to a garment, and to tie them around the wearer’s hips, waist, or, in this case, chest. And every single time, we think it looks like the person is wearing a straight-jacket, and wonder how uncomfortable it would be if you had to button a jacket or coat over the top of it. Also, this kind of thing just screams, “LOOK AT ME! NOTICE HOW EDGY I AM!” Which is a crime of fashion in itself, really.
Suspect # 3 | NOT A SKIRT
This WAS $390, but it’s just been reduced to $230, so get it while you can! We have to admit to a grudging admiration for brands who are able to persuade people that a) this is a legitimate attempt at a “skirt” and b) it’s worth spending a few hundred dollars on. Just imagine what you could do with that kind of influence! We also love the fact they’ve chosen to style this with nude underwear. Because nude underwear means you don’t have to worry about VPL, doesn’t it? Oh no, wait…
Suspect # 4 | The Chain Romper
This model looks every bit as confused as we feel right now. If this was some kind of swimwear, we could ALMOST understand, but … it’s not swimwear. Our best guess is that it’s supposed to be clubwear, but we’re kind of tired of “Oh, but it’s CLUBWEAR” being used as an excuse for crimes of fashion, so we’re inclined to arrest it anyway.