Crimes of Fashion

Fashion Crime Friday | Fashionable face masks and other crimes of fashion

It’s Fashion Crime Friday, everyone! Let’s line up our style suspects, ready for your judgement!

Suspect # 1: Meadham Kirchhoff rubber apron

meadham kirchhoff

Buy it here

Remember the Meadham Kirchhoff for Topshop line, and how it looked like an army of Santa’s little elves had broken into a sex shop and played dress-up in it? This is the kind of thing that inspired it. This wouldn’t look out of place in the aforementioned sex shop, but it’s being sold at high-fashion website Far Fetch, at the sale price of £1637, so that brings it into our jurisdiction, and also makes us wonder where they were expecting people to wear this? To be fair, though, the sale price IS quite a saving on the original £2,279, so there is that. Bargain!

Suspect # 2: KTZ Long Baseball Shirt

KTZ long baseball shirt

Buy it here

As with our first suspect (and with almost all items of clothing, come to think of it), context is everything, and the right context could change our minds about whether a suspect is innocent or guilty. In this case, however, the only context in which we can imagine wearing this would be if it was a nightshirt… and if all of our other nightwear was in the wash at the time. And it was too cold to go naked. (We can’t explain the hat… thing… so we’ll leave that up to you.) Again, though, this item is being sold as daywear, and it’ll cost you $615, so we have to assume it’s supposed to be worn in public. That changes everything.

Suspect # 3: Strange Slit Skinnies

slit skinny jeans

[Buy them here]

We’re not totally opposed to distressed denim, but these ones distress US more than themselves. Why are the slits so symmetrical, and so high on the thighs? Are there people out there thinking, “If only there was a way to constantly expose a very specific part of each thigh, while still remaining fully clothed!” If so, these jeans are for you. If not, these jeans are probably a crime of fashion.

Suspect 4: ZanaBayne Woven Face Mask

face mask

[Buy it here]

This would be handy if you had to capture Hannibal Lecter. Or we guess you might wear it with the rubber apron at the top of the page – in private, we mean. According to Opening Ceremony, however, neither of those uses are how this is intended to be worn. No, they say it will “add a hard, classy edge to an outfit.” So now you know. You’d wear it as part of an outfit. And you’d look hard and “classy”. (Aside: we’ll give them “hard”, but has the word “classy” been re-defined? Because this REALLY isn’t what we think of when we think of “classy” outfits…)

So, there you have it, Style Squad. What’s your verdict? Which of these items are crimes of fashion, and which should be allowed to walk free?

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