It’s our first Fashion Crime Friday, and we have to say, it’s been a slow start to the year, crime-wise. We’re not sure if it’s something to do with the sales still being on and not much new stock being released, or whether the freezing temperatures are just keeping fashion criminals indoors, but our officers have only recorded a handful of crimes in their little black boots this week, starting off with…
Suspect # 1: Fendi’s £500 “Dungarees”
This suspect is described as “dungarees” in the product description, but we’re mostly seeing a batwinged playsuit, with no apparent purpose. We GUESS it could work as a swimsuit cover-up, but £500 seems like a lot to pay for an item that will look bad even on the beach. We also charged this with the crime of “creating the illusion of having forgotten one’s pants” and “forcing the wearer to get naked in the bathroom.” We think it’s a crime of fashion, but bail is set at £500, should you wish to set it free.
Suspect # 2: Tom Van Der Borght’s new take on the jogging suit
Another “where would you wear it” mystery. The sweatpants and tank suggest excercise, or something similarly dressed-down, but the dress shirt suggests this dude has other plans, and our officers want to know what they are. If you have plans for this, meanwhile, the good news is that it’s unisex – fashion criminals don’t discriminate.
Suspect # 3: DSquared2’s mud-spattered jeans
We don’t know about you, but we’d freak out if our £325 designer jeans got into this kind of mess. Deliberate distressing is one thing, but deliberate mud-spattering? That’s most definitely a crime of fashion.
Suspect # 4: Tom Solo’s ‘Dahlia’ boots
Look, we enjoy an oversized embellishment as much as the next officer, but we reckon this one is taking things just a little too far. Thoughts?
It’s not exactly a crime of fashion (or not unless you want it to be, anyway), but it’s definitely a crime that this poor model hasn’t been allowed a toilet break:
Modelling is hard, people: don’t you forget it.