Crimes of Fashion

Fashion Crime Friday | Stretch Tulle Jumpsuit

We begin this week’s Fashion Crime Friday roundup with an awesome outfit for any male readers out there – or perhaps a great Christmas gift ideas for the man in your life?

transparent tulle bodysuit

Buy it here

According to the product description, what you’re looking at here is a “transparent black stretch tulle jumpsuit with asymmetrical gathered top and swarovski pearl embellished slits”. So now you know. And we know what you’re thinking: that’s all very well and good, but won’t the poor guy get cold wandering around like that? Worry not, dear reader:

feather coat

Feather coat

Sorted.

What about us women, though, we hear you cry? How can we ever hope to compete with style like this? Well, it won’t be easy, but how about something like this?

ugly sweater

Opening Ceremony

Now, it’s not even close to being in the same league as either of the items above it, true. But it looks so much like a DIY project gone badly wrong that it made us laugh when we found it, and it’s good to laugh, isn’t it?

Or how about this?

asos dress

ASOS 

We’d imagine this one might find some fans out there, because the whole “look, I’m totally naked under this!” thing is popular right now. For us, these kind of dresses just seem so uncomfortable: even assuming the illusion of nudity is just that – an illusion – and you were wearing something underneath it, the loose fit seems like it would make you feel very exposed, and afraid to move freely for fear of flashing someone. We’re very, very old, though, and probably just don’t GET IT, so we’ll move on to our final suspect:

mom jeans

American Apparel

These surely must be amongst the most unflattering jeans ever made. We’re not sure if the model’s wearing the wrong size, or if they’re actually supposed to look like this, but we reckon the “mom jeans” revival has gone on for long enough now, and we’re considering staging some kind of intervention. Now, who’s with us?

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