Crimes of Fashion

Fashion Crime Friday | Bloodstained jeans, and other crimes of fashion

It’s Fashion Crime Friday, which means it’s time for us to delve deep into the depths of our jailhouse, and show you some of the latest items to find themselves locked up there. This week, we have a smaller selection of fashion crimes than usual: it seems the usual suspects are laying low for some reason, so remember, if you spot a crime being committed, let us know so we can check it out!

Here comes our first suspect, wandering along as if she doesn’t have a care in the world:

crushed velvet jumpsuit

ASOS jumpsuit, £48

Everything about this image is sheer genius: the furry handbag, the clunky shoes, the POSE, the… fact that it’s a crushed velvet jumpsuit, which we haven’t seen outside of a 70s disco movie in YEARS. We don’t think we’ll ever understand fashion’s infatuation with the (saggy, shapeless) jumpsuit, just like we’ll never understand the existence of…

stuck together clothes

Comme des Garcons top, £259

…STUCK-TOGETHER CLOTHES. Still happening, after all these years. Actually, we’re not troubled quite so much by the fact that this is a scarf attached to a top, as we are by the fact that Comme des Garcons want to charge you £259 for it. What did people do BEFORE there were fashion houses to cleverly pair these troublesome items together for them, we wonder? Oh no, wait: they just did it themselves, didn’t they? Because it costs WAY less than £259 to DIY something like this.

Cheap Monday jeans

Cheap Monday jeans, $75

This look is captioned “tight jeans survivor”, which is ironic considering that the “blood” stains on these jeans don’t really make it look like anyone could possibly have survived whatever happened in them, huh? We’ll let you insert your own period-themed jokes here…

Finally, we’ve arrested a pair of these before, but Rick Owens is a fashion criminal to be reckoned again, and he’s once again looking for £319, in exchange for these shorts:

rick owens shorts

Rick Owens shorts, £319

Any takers? We didn’t think so.

Have a great weekend, everyone!

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