Crimes of Fashion

Fashion Crime Friday | Adjustable Mini Apron Denim Skirt

This week’s fashion crime roundup features an “adjustable mini apron denim skirt”. Yes, we were confused by that too. . Before we get to that, though, we have to first of all address THIS:

ugly black shoe

[Buy it here]

We’re reliably informed it’s a shoe. The stiletto heel is what gives it away: without it, we’d have assumed it was some kind of makeshift boat, or other container. Even without seeing what it looks like when worn, this would be facing charges (It fails to pass the “Shoes should look like shoes, and not like boats” test), but if you are curious to see what it looks like on a foot, here you go:

ugly outfit

[Also from here]

The high-water flares really make this outfit, don’t they?

These are from Acne, who also bring us this little gem:

oversized pants

The flares look too small, and these look WAY too big. It’s so hard to find the right fit these days, isn’t it? On the plus side, however, you won’t have to be a walking advertisement for Acne by carrying that clutch bag: you can just carry all of your belongings in the turn-ups of your pants instead! We do love a multi-purpose item of clothing, don’t you?

But on to the jumpsuits. We’ve been on the lookout for a new uniform for the inmates of the Fashion Police Jail, and we think we might have found it at Zara:

stripe jumpsuit from Zara

[Buy it here]

But then we realised it would be much more humiliating for the prisoners to make them wear this one by OnePiece instead:

denim onesie

[Buy it here]

ASOS describe this is a “rigid onesie”. We don’t know about you, but we can’t even imagine anything less comfortable sounding than a RIGID onesie. (OK, we CAN. We just don’t want to.) In fairness, it doesn’t actually LOOK rigid, so we’re going to have to give it the benefit of the doubt, and assume it’s comfortable to wear. Isn’t that the only thing onesies have going for them, after all?

Finally:

jeans

[buy them here]

It’s an Adjustable Mini Apron Denim Skirt. OBVIOUSLY. We have so many questions about this we barely even know where to start, but we guess the main one is: how on earth do you walk with all of that fabric dragging along behind you? Oh, and also: WHY?

Are these items crimes of fashion? You tell us…

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