Happy Monday, trainee Fashion Police Officers! Let’s start the week the way we intend to go on: by apprehending some serious fashion crimes, starting off with this one by BCBGMaxAzria:
It’s $448. Isn’t that a little bit much for a Halloween costume? And hey, isn’t it still September, anyway? It was last time we checked, so unless we’ve somehow managed to sleep right through the remainder of the month, plus the entirety of October… oh God, that’s totally what’s happened, isn’t it? The Wicked Witch pictured above must have cast some terrible spell, and sent us to sleep so she could go about her business, wearing this leg-window dress with its sheer, pleated panels. We knew we shouldn’t have eaten that apple.*
(*Yes, we’re mixing up our fairytales. We’re an imaginary police force, though: you’re already having to suspend your disbelief just to read this, so a little creative licence won’t hurt…)
Next up, we have a pair of leather-look dungarees from ASOS:
We think the phrase “leather look dungarees” pretty much says it all here, but as always, this kind of of item fascinates us almost as much as it horrifies us. Who’s buying this kind of thing? And where are they wearing it? In a bid to see if we could come up with a scenario in which leather-look dungarees would suddenly seem like a “must have” item, we tried an old trick of ours, which is to attempt to use the name of the product in a sentence. Witness:
“I really need to find a new pair of leather-look dungarees: my old pair are totally worn out!”
“That would look fantastic with a pair of leather-look dungarees!”
“I didn’t know what to wear, so I just threw on an old pair of leather-look dungarees!”
See? It just doesn’t work, does it? And sure, it must work for someone. There’s someone out there who has a leather-look dungaree shaped hole in their closet right now, and that person is going to head over to ASOS and buy the hell out of those bad boys. That makes us happy. No, we’re not being sarcastic. It’s nice that there’s something for everyone, isn’t it? And in all honesty, we reckon the person who can wear these and look good in them must be pretty bad-ass, so more power to them.
This, on the other hand:
(Garter leggings. GOD.)
This should never happen in a public place. Ever. Seriously, garter leggings are an old enemy of ours, but these? These aren’t even leggings: they’re lace tights. Attached to garters. And worn with an oversized, fluffy sweater, which, actually, is kinda cute. Even so, nothing can ever make up for the horror of the garter leggings. Not the sweater, not the model (Who is totally adorable, but who looks like she forgot to wear pants), and definitely not the undone boots, which, is that a thing now? Walking around with your laces untied, all, “tee hee, lookit how ditzy and cute I am! I just threw on the first things I found and didn’t even bother to put them on properly!” Because we’re probably going to need to call in reinforcements, if so.