Crimes of Fashion

Crimes of Fashion | Roundup

We’ll get straight to the point: we’ve never been fans of the use of harnesses in fashion (harnesses are for horses, not humans. Or that’s our motto, anyway…), but a HARNESS HAT surely has to be one of the most pointless items ever:

harness hat

[Buy it]

It’s a hat, and yet it performs none of the usual functions a hat should perform: it won’t keep your head warm, shade your eyes from the sun, hide your hair on a bad hair day… It just… exists. And OK, sure, there are lots of accessories which have no ACTUAL function: necklaces, for instance. Or brooches. Their purpose is purely aesthetic, their only job to look good. Does this harness hat look good, thus placing it in the same category as jewellery, and absolving it from all guilt? That’s always going to be a matter of personal taste, so we’ll leave it up to you to decide. One thing we know for sure, however, is that the hat may be strange, but it’s not nearly as bad as these shorts:

harness shorts

[Buy them]

Readers, if we teach you one thing from this website, let it be that you can put a harness over a pair of mom shorts, but it still won’t make them stylish. Actually scratch that: let the lesson be that you can’t put a harness over ANYTHING and make it look stylish. Please don’t try.

Moving on from the subject of harnesses, know what else we can’t stand?

white t-shirt with holes

[Buy it]

$200 t-shirts that are designed to look like the oldest, most moth-eaten old t-shirt you ever saw. Guys, you dress like this FOR FREE. Or for the cost of an ACTUAL moth-eaten old t-shirt from… actually, we’ve no idea where you’d buy something that was as genuinely wrecked as this designer shirt appears to be. Thrift stores politely turn this kind of thing down, after all, so maybe you WILL have to pay $200 after all!*

(*No you won’t.)

This shirt, though, as much as it irritates us with its ‘Emperor’s New Clothes”-like ability to pull the wool over people’s eyes, does have one thing going for it – it’s not THIS shirt:

mesh bodysuit

[Buy it]

Seriously: anything that isn’t THIS shirt (or bodysuit, rather) sounds pretty good to us around about now.

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