Crimes of Fashion

ARRESTED: Dungarees, wooden hats and other crimes of fashion

It’s been a while since we last dug deep into the depths of the fashion jail and showed you some of the horrors lurking within, so let’s get this party started, and showcase some crimes of fashion, shall we? Here are just a few of the items that have been reported to us recently. As a Fashion Police Juror (that’s you), it’s your job to assess the evidence before you (that’s the clothes) and give us your verdict. Are these items innocent or guilty of the charge of committing crimes of fashion? Let’s find out…

Suspect # 1:

t-shirt with eyes and hands on nipples

ASOS

There’s never a good way to emphasise your nipples through clothing, but this looks downright painful, doesn’t it?

We may be over-reacting here, but we’re going to go ahead and say that if a top has eyes, hands, or basically ANYTHING round/round-ish covering the nipple region, it’s probably a crime of fashion. Anyone agree?

Suspect # 2:

pink neon shoes

Buffalo x Solestruck

These poor things look like a neon bridge. Or like a house that’s been raised up on silts. A pink, neon house. A transparent house. OK, so not THAT much like a house, then. Not that much like SHOES, either, though, and therein lies the problem.

wooden baseball hat

out of stock: boo!

Wooden baseball hat. Where has this been all our lives?

Finally, the only thing worse than being forced to wear this…

velour jumpsuit

WHOA, mama!

… would be having to wear THIS:

seer dungarees

Not that you really need to worry about having to wear either of them, mind you, because we’ve thought about this long and hard (Well, for a couple of minutes, anyway), and we can’t think of a single scenario where these items would be the best possible sartorial choice. Seriously, these came from the “dungarees” section at Yoox.com, and we can’t help but thinking that if that section were to suddenly and mysteriously disappear – along with all of the other dungarees in the world – not many people would miss it, surely.

Just don’t anyone look at us if that ever happens: we will have an alibi, we promise…

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