Crimes of Fashion

Gareth Pugh pants, and other crimes of fashion

Our first three style suspects in this week’s roundup all come from the same source: Now, we should point out here that we LOVE ASOS. Seriously, it’s one of our favourite online shopping destinations, for lots of different reasons (Mainly the huge selection of midi dresses, though. Seriously, if you share our love of skirts that are at least a little longer than the usual butt-cheek level found from some many brands, head over to ASOS and type the word “midi” into the search function…). So, yes, we’re big ASOS fans. But this:

white crochet dress

Crochet swing dress, £60

And this:

black mesh dress

Mesh dress, £25

And finally, THIS…

orange cape dress

cape dress, £50

… all get a serious dose of side-eye from us. The first two for the obvious reasons that they ARE NOT DRESSES. They may SAY they’re dresses, and they may even be SHOWN as dresses, but folks? They ARE NOT DRESSES. Or not unless you’re The Emperor, anyway, and you fully believe that totally see-through garments are a good use of your hard-earned cash.

(OK, we guess they technically ARE dresses, if you want to be pedantic about it. They’re not dresses we’d relish the thought of actually WEARING, though, let’s put it that way…)

As for the third item, the cape dress, well… we just have a strong, and quite possibly irrational, dislike of items like this. Maybe it’s because they remind us of smocks. (We hate smocks.) This is is essentially just a large circle of fabric with a hole cut in the middle, though, and if you can make that look good, more power to you. We wouldn’t necessarily recommend wearing it in public on a windy day, though.

But enough from ASOS:  what about these dust-busters?

black extreme flare pants

Gareth Pugh pants, $2,475

Now, granted, these will make your legs look like they’re melting, which is SORT of cool, in a strange kind of way. They’ll also keep your floors spotlessly clean, with no effort on your part whatsoever. If you have a tendency to fall over your own feet even in REGULAR pants, though, these will probably be a hazard to your health: and if you wear them in a crowded place, they’ll probably be a hazard to your sanity, too – just imagine all of the times people will step on them!

Here’s one way to guarantee no one will ever step on your toes, though:

super-high platforms

Super-high platforms, £4,500

Yes, they’re real. And they really are £4,500. We’re not sure if that includes insurance in case you fall off them and hurt yourself, but… it should.

Would you wear them? Would you wear any of these items? We may consider them Crimes of Fashion, but the beauty of personal taste is that it’s just that: personal. What do you think of these?

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