Crimes of Fashion, Trousers/Pants

Peculiar Pants and other Opening Ceremony delights

peculiar pants: Sheer pyjama pants with cabbage patch kid print

Love peculiar pants? Buy these ones here.

The product description describes these as “pajama pants”. If that’s the case, then it certainly explains the see-through quality, and also means that we can’t arrest them for crimes of fashion: they get off on the technicality that they’re designed to be worn only in the bedroom (Or possibly in Tesco, depending on how you’re feeling that day), which is outwith our jurisdiction.

If they’re supposed to be PJs, though, that may explain the sheerness, but it DOESN’T explain the $485 price tag, unless we’re to assume these are, in fact. the Emperor’s New Pyjama pants. Do people seriously pay $500 for PJs? Really? Because, you know, we’re all for people being able to spend their money on whatever they want, and if we were rich, we’re sure we’d invest in some luxurious lingerie of our own, but we just can’t imagine dropping $500 on a pair of see-through pants we were planning to sleep in. Or, indeed, in pants with Cabbage Patch kids emblazoned on them:

sheer pants with cabbage patch print

Cabbage Patch Kids. On your butt. Yes. 

Still, you money, your butt, your bedroom, your choice. Here’s another pair of peculiar pants we tracked down at Opening Ceremony, though, and these ones ARE designed to be worn in public:

white trousers with cut-outs at the thighs

Even more peculiar pants. Possibly.

Perfect for those days when you just want to let it all hang out: and by “it all” we mean “your thighs.” Still, we shouldn’t snark: at least SOMEONE is finally catering to people who are really proud of their thighs, but hate the rest of their legs. Someone has to make clothes for that market, after all. And while we’re on the subject, someone ALSO has to make clothes for people who never want to take their coat off:

coat with attached dress

Not a coat.

This isn’t actually a coat, according to Opening Ceremony, it’s a dress. A coat dress. As in, a coat with a dress attached to it. We can’t even begin to imagine how that would work, and it’s in clear violation of the statute criminalising  Stuck Together Clothes, but even if we’re generous and assume most people would wear it as a coat, rather than as a dress… it’s not a particularly nice coat, is it?

The prosecution rests. Now you tell us whether you think these are crimes of fashion, or whether you’d actually wear them.

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