While compiling this week’s Fashion Crime Roundup, we found ourselves all of a sudden involved in a manhunt. We’d like to thank the people at ASOS for introducing us to what they describe as “extreme boyfriend cargo pants“:
Now, we hate the pants, and that’s a given, so we were instantly suspicious of this “extreme boyfriend” character. We’re so curious about that dude, and, in the absence of any further information, are just going to assume he’s “extreme” because his body is shaped like this:
So, we’re looking for a guy with a super-long torso and very short legs, then. That’s the only kind of person we can imagine wearing this. We’ll put out an APB, but we’d advise you not to approach the Extreme Boyfriend, should you see him: he could be dangerous. He could also be wearing these:
We believe this to be an actual photo of the Exteme Boyfriend. Note the strange, cuffed shoes, the saggy ass, and what has to be the most uncomfortable pair of cycling shorts ever. Seriously: we don’t like a dropped-crotch on ANYTHING, but cycling shorts have to be one of the strangest examples of the look so far. How would the Extreme Boyfriend even walk in these, let alone cycle in them? And why is he wearing dress shoes with cycling shorts?
One thing we can deduct from this piece of evidence: our man may be riding a bicycle. And if he’s not wearing the cycling shorts, he could well be wearing one of these:
Yes, they’re actually designed for women, but like THAT would stop the Extreme Boyfriend. Actually, we don’t think ANYTHING would stop the Extreme Boyfriend, which is why we’re naming him a Fashion Criminal extraordinaire, right up there with the likes of the Clothes Ripper, and Jeffrey Campbell. If you see him, folks, you know what to do…