We didn’t post our usual roundup this Friday because of the holiday, but don’t worry, we continued to police the fashion streets, so here’s our (belated)weekly roundup of just a few of the crimes of fashion that have pinged our radar recently. This week’s edition focuses on denim disasters, and begs the question: why on earth can’t fashion designers leave our beloved denim alone? From cruel and unusual forms of distressing to the unforgivable use of acid wash, time and time again we find ourselves faced with another denim atrocity and musing to ourselves that simple really is best.
Here are just a few denim disasters we’ve spotted recently:
Daisy Dukes aren’t a crime of fashion in themselves, and worn simply with flat or low-heeled sandals and a casual shirt, they can form the basis of a nice, summer look. Not these ones, though. We think these ones ARE possible crimes of fashion, for three reasons:
1. If we can see your buttcheeks, it’s probably a crime of fashion.
2. If it’s designed to make people think they can see your lacy French knickers peeking out from under the hem, it’s probably a crime of fashion.
3. If that “lacy knicker effect” looks a bit like pubic hair gone wild when viewed from a distance… it’s almost certainly a crime of fashion.
2. The denim flamenco skirt
We arrested this suspect earlier this week at River Island, but by the time we came to pull together this roundup, just a couple of days later, it was already sold out. It looks like the cowgirl/flamenco dancer crossover will be big this year. Either we’re going to have some full jail cells once the lucky purchasers start wearing these, or this really ISN’T a crime of fashion. You decide.
We know everyone seems to love the “Look, one leg is different from the other leg: what a kerrazy kid I am!” look, but this straight-up looks like part of a hipster clown costume. Sorry, but it does.
We did promise you some “other crimes of fashion” amongst the denim distastes, though, so in non-denim news:
These aren’t jeans. They’re what the retailer describes as “one-piece shorts over leggings layered look in ABCD print… with tassels.” So, THAT exists now. Why, we don’t know. We guess if you ever need to mop your floor while on your knees, though, they could come in handy?
We’ve known for a while now that some people use swimwear as excuse to dress like they’re in a glamour mag, but there’s absolutely nothing glamorous about those shoes now, is there? The suit would’ve been bad enough on the beach, but the way they’ve styled it up with shoes and a clutch bag makes this poor model look like she’s headed out to work, or is trapped inside one of those awful “out without your pants on” nightmares. Whatever she’s supposed to be doing, we think this wins the prize for the most inadvertently hilarious outfit of the week. Thanks for making us smile, Nasty Gal!