Crimes of Fashion

Adult Onesies: the horror continues

It’s no good, fellow officers. We’ve tried our best to find adult onesies cute n’ hilarious, just like everyone else on the planet seems to, but it doesn’t seem to matter how hard we try, we will never understand why grown women would want to dress like this:

model in pink rabbit onesie

Rabbit onesie

No, not even in the privacy of their own homes.

You see, you may see an outfit that’s “comfy”: we see one that, on all but the very coldest of evenings, would be like wearing your own portable sauna. And which would require you to get totally naked if you wanted to use the bathroom. (Unless it has one of those special, er, “flaps” to make that easier. Given that the crotch is below the model’s knees in this shot, though, we think the process would still be somewhat uncomfortable, to say the least…)

animal onesie

Hamster onesie

You see an outfit that is “cute”: we see an outfit that would only really be cute on a toddler, but which would probably feel kind of humiliating on an adult. You think that’s too strong a reaction, we get it. But we just keep imagining calling out for pizza, say, or getting some random caller passing by in the evening, knocking on your door… and being unable to keep a straight face when it was opened by a giant, pink, saggy-assed rabbit. Or a monkey:

monkey onesie

Monkey onesie

Finally, you see an outfit that is “hilarious”. We agree with you on that one. We’re laughing AT the wearer, though, not WITH them…

Of course, we’ve long since accepted that we’re alone in our dislike of the adult onesie. According to the Daily Mail (always a great source of totally factual information, obviously…), one in eight of you owns one. Almost ALL of you go crazy for them every time we feature them here, so we’re forced to conclude that you’re all right, and we just hate them because we’re “too fat” to look good in them (That’s what people tell us about all of the OTHER items we deem to be crimes of fashion, anyway, so it must apply to onesies, too…), and also because we have “no sense of humour”. Fair enough. We’re still not going to be buying or wearing a onesie anytime soon, but if any or all of the ones pictured are calling out to you, you can find them all at ASOS, where they’re £50 each.

If nothing else, at least you’ll have a REALLY easy Halloween costume this year…

giraffe onesie

Previous Post Next Post

You Might Also Like