September, 2012

addidas x jeremy scott puffa jacket

Addidas x Jeremy Scott ‘Animal Puff’ jacket

You know those people who are always banging on about how wild and kerrazeee they are, and going out of their way to prove it, by using the words “wacky” and “zany” a lot to describe themselves, and sometimes adopting a wardrobe to match? They’d totally wear this. Mind you, you’d really HAVE to be a bit “kerrazeee” to want to pay $648 for it, wouldn’t you?  And on the plus side, at least people would be able to see you coming from a mile off… [Buy it]

sheer dress by John Galliano

The Emperor’s New…John Galliano dress

Well, it seems that John Galliano has some strange ideas about what is A Dress and what is Not a Dress. Just for Mr G, and anyone else who is similarly confused, we’d like to clarify that this is Not a Dress. We repeat: Not a Dress. No, this is an invisible cape, with a bow at the neck. If you wear it in public, you will be at risk of ACTUAL arrest, not just Fashion Police arrest. You’ll also have spent $949 to look like you’re naked. If that doesn’t put you off, nothing will… [Product Page]

J Crew and Old Navy polka dot sweaters

Would you pay $100 for an Old Navy sweater

You’ve probably seen an image much like the one above on a whole lot of fashion blogs by now, haven’t you? The story is a simple one: J Crew make an awesome, polka dot cashmere sweater. But it’s cashmere, and, well, it’s J Crew (which is charging the same prices as some designer brands we could mention these days…), so it’s pretty expensive: $268, to be precise. Ouch. Enter Old Navy. They make their own dupe of the coveted polka dot sweater. It isn’t cashmere, but that doesn’t matter, because it’s not $268, either: in fact, it’s a much more reasonable $25. Yay! They make it a few different colours. It’s downright adorable. So it sells out. Boo! Enter eBay:…

2012 fall fashion trends

2012 Fall Fashion Trends on Trial: Slipper shoes

(Flat slippers, Tom Ford stacked heel, £425 / Black ballet shoes, £22 / Alexander McQueen slip on shoes, £430 / Zara velvet shoes, £22 / Melissa leopard shoes / Loafer shoes, £115) Continuing our look at the fall fashion trends of 2012, our attention turns to footwear, and a trend that’s been around for a while now, but which is definitely starting to gather strength with the approaching autumn. Yes, folks, we’re talking about slipper shoes. Shoes that look like slippers. And not just ANY old slippers, either: these shoes resemble what we think of as “grandad slippers” – the kind of thing a stylish older gent might slip into after a day spent pruning the rosebushes and doing the…

ugly hat

Nice hat.

Or…not. Seriously, what are we even looking at here? Is her face in jail? A strange, woolen hat jail? Is the tip of her nose really cold? Also: what if she wants to eat something, or take a sip of water? What if she sneezes? So many reasons to find this a crime of fashion. So few reasons to actually wear it

January Jones

Emmys Roundup: the 2012 Primetime Emmy Awards red carpet

The 2012 Emmy Awards have been and gone, and yet here we are, still talking about them. Well, that’s how long it took us to wash the eyeball bleach out of our eyes. No, we’re joking: the truth is that our image agency has only just gotten around to delivering the red carpet images, so let’s not waste any more time talking, and get on with the important business of fashion policing, shall we? Tell us: who are the fashion criminals in this lineup? [Images:]

revealling dress

Attack of the Green Dress

First we saw this picture and thought this looked uncomfortable in an “Oh my gosh, if I move so much a muscle, my dress will just pop right off!” kind of way. Then we saw this photo, and realised that, actually? This just looks plain uncomfortable. Criminally so, in fact. What did her poor chest do to deserve this kind of treatment, we wonder? [Buy it]

Black Milk muscles swimsuit

Would you wear… Black Milk’s Muscle Swimsuit?

For those of you who loved Black Milk’s muscles leggings, but who’ve been wondering what on earth to wear with them, wonder no more: here’s the swimsuit version, guaranteed to get you a whole lot of attention at the beach… This somehow seems a little less graphic than the leggings, but we’re just not sure it’d be our swimwear of choice. Well, actually, we ARE sure. It wouldn’t be. What about you, though: would you wear this? [Buy it]

pom pom headband

Halloween Headwear by Piers Atkinson for From Somewhere

To be fair, it IS almost Halloween. And ‘Scary Clown’ always makes for a great costume choice, don’t you think? As for what you’d do with your £50 pom pom headband after the costume party, though: well, yoy got us there. Maybe it’s just us, but we honestly can’t think of a single time we’ve gotten dressed in the morning and thought to ourselves, “You know what this outfit needs? Pom poms. Big ones. On the head.” We also can’t think of a single outfit that wouldn’t be rendered instantly more comical with the addition of this headband. Still, it’s good to laugh, isn’t it? And the fact that this particular piece is already low in stock tells us that…

Finsk Project B wedges

Frankenshoes: Finsk ‘Project B’ extreme wedge shoes

Um… maybe they’re more comfortable than they look? Well, they can’t possibly be LESS comfortable than they look now, can they? And presumably it must actually be possible to walk in them. No one would buy shoes they couldn’t actually walk in. Would they? These are by Finsk, and they have a 6 3/4″ wedge with 3″ platform. Do you think you could walk in them? Would you want to? [Buy them]

Crime of Fashion: the Knee-Window dress

Crime of Fashion: the Knee-Window dress

This week alone has saw us arrest an item with a boob window, and an item with a back window. It figures the knee-window was the next logical – well, illogical – step, huh? That said, we think this whole window trend should stop right here. Before someone decides it’s time for a “butt window” or something equally… oh. Seriously, what is this fascination with fashion designers cutting large, square holes in items of clothing? Is it too much to ask that clothes be left window-less every once in a while? Also: is it just us, or would this have been a crime of fashion even without the knee window? [Buy it]

90s jeans

Cheap Monday tries to bring back 90s jeans

Cheap Monday describe these as “mega 90s jeans“. Now, it might just be us, but The Fashion Police lived through the 90s, and, indeed, wore jeans for much of that decade, and we don’t remember seeing many people walking around like this. Then again, The Fashion Police have never been edgy or “bang on trend”, so that might be why. And, OK, the high waistband is definitely very 90s. One thing’s for sure: if you weren’t a pear shape at the start of that decade, you would have been one by the end of it: or at least, until you took your jeans off, that is. It’s just… we don’t remember 90s jeans being this unflattering, can you? And if…

2012 Fall Fashion Trends

2012 Fall Fashion Trends on Trial: Head to Toe Print

[Warehouse] Brace yourselves, Fashion Police Officers: this is not a drill. The outfit you see above really IS being touted as a “fall fashion trend”, and will no doubt soon be being described as “bang on trend” and “so edgy!” by the fashion press. So, as you can see, this one’s all about print. And more print. And, you know, maybe this outfit could use a little more print, what do you think? Or are you so stunned by the assault on your retinas that you just CAN’T think? Too bad, if so: this fall we’re all going to be walking around in floral print trousers, worn with matching blazers, and possibly a contrasting shirt. And you don’t have to…

Bless turtleneck sweaters

Strange Sweaters from Bless

“Gosh!” we thought, “It’s not like our old friends at Bless to make an item of clothing that looks, well, ordinary. We’re more used to seeing hairy shoes, strange, off-the-shoulder suit jackets, and who could forget the Ra Multispaghetti dress? But these… these look like regular turtleneck sweaters!” Sigh. At least some things never change, eh? Of course, you don’t have to be in the Fashion Police detective squad to see what happened here. Obviously one sweater stole the back right off the other one. And turned it into a … knapsack? A cape? We have no idea. The good news is that there’s really only one fashion criminal in this post: the yellow sweater is guilty as sin. Its blue…

2012 Fall Fashion Trends on Trial: #1 – Wine/Burgundy

[Short sleeve top / Double breasted coat, £110 / Elastic waist pants, £74 / B Brian Atwood peep toe pumps, £215 / Sally Hansen , £4.31 / Haider Ackermann Wine Red Woll Dress Susan, £485] Last week we took a look at some of the fall fashion trends that just NEVER go out of style. This week, however, it’s time to get up to date, and start looking at some of the trends we can expect to see this autumn/winter. More importantly, it’s time to decide whether these 2012 fall fashion trends constitute incoming crimes of fashion, or whether we can sit back and let them go about their business. Well, you can never be too careful when it comes…

underwear as outerwear

The underwear-as-outerwear look goes too far

Seriously, guys, if you absolutely MUST show your bra, through a purpose-build “boob window” cut into the front of your dress, at least wear a bra WORTH showing off, ya know? Not that boring old beige number that’s perfect under white tops, but closely resembles – and maybe even is – the unsexiest shapewear ever. With all of that said: don’t flash your bra through a boob-window dress, OK? Please tell us that bit goes without saying? [Product Page]

meat necklace

The Meat-Lace: suitable for vegetarians

Worry not, Fashion Police jurors: no animals were harmed in the making of this necklace – sorry, “meat-lace”: it’s made from “100% animal-friendly” materials. We’re just going to go ahead and admit that “inspired by Lady Gaga’s meat dress” are words we never hoped to have to read, but if you’re going to wear a piece of meat on a chain around your neck, at least this one won’t start to turn green after a few hours. Want one? It’s by Onch Movement, it’s $70, and you can buy it here.

ASOS dungaree skirt

Skirt, meet shredder

Well, this was an unfortunate accident, wasn’t it? And although it’s hard to imagine the exact sequence of events that must have led to this demure looking dungaree dress being sucked helplessly into the office shredder (We’d love to see the movie version of that, though. It would make an excellent fashionista thriller, wouldn’t it? Did we just invent a new genre?), it happens, people. Well, it happened. To this poor model. Now she’ll have to just live with the consequences: shredded skirt, shredded dignity – who knows the knock-on effects this could have, or the many years of therapy she might need to get over it. You think they’re just clothes, readers, but trust us: they’re SO MUCH MORE…

Angelina Jolie leg pose

Angelina Jolie has a lot to answer for

Well, Angelina Jolie certainly has a lot to answer for, doesn’t she? These suspects are lined up on the red carpet at last night’s 2012 NCLR ALMA Awards in Pasadena.It’s unclear at this stage whether they all wore black and adopted the ol’ “tripod leg” stance in some bizarre kind of homage to Angie at the Oscars this year, or whether it’s just some horrible coincidence, but it did make us smile, which isn’t easy on a Monday, so there is that. Here are some more celebrities arriving at the event: there may be fashion criminals amongst them, but you can be the judge of that… [Images:]