Now, is it just us…
(WARNING: image NSFW, click at your own risk!)
Not Safe For Eyes 
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Monthly Archives: December 2011
Not Safe For Eyes
Fashion Police Gift Guide: for the Fashion Victim in your life
When it comes to holiday gift guides, other sites will already have provided you with plenty of options for appropriate gifts for him, her and the dog. But what do you get the Fashion Victim in your life? You know, that person who loves designer labels, uses the phrase “bang on trend” un-ironically and whose tastes change with every Vogue editorial they read? Let TFP help you out there…
Actually, buying gifts for Fashion Victims is pretty easy: it’s just expensive. The great thing about Fashion Victims, you see, is that they’ll like ANYTHING… as long as – say it with us, folks – IT’S DESIGNER. So how about:
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Style on Trial: Paula Patton in purple at the premiere of Mission Impossible 2
The Fashion Police have a rule about animal print. Actually, we have a few rules about animal print, but there’s only one we need concern ourselves with here, and it’s this one:
If it’s a colour that isn’t found on the animal, it’s probably a crime of fashion.
Now, as far as we’re aware, there are no purple cheetahs or leopards (although there totally should be), so that would mean that Paula Patton’s Mission Impossible 2 dress is in contravention of the rule, and therefore a Fashion Crime.
All rules were made to be broken, though, (Well, other than ones that are actually the LAW, obviously: stay legal, kids!), and we’re in a good mood today, so we’re going to put this dress up On Trial and let you decide whether it’s innocent or guilty as charged.
What do you think?
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Modelling is Hard: Male Model Edition
So, you thought female models had it tough, did you? All those sheer dresses, the boob windows, the harem pants. The struggle to keep a straight face while dressed in the type of outfit you wouldn’t even wear to a costume party. Yes, modelling is many things, but glamorous it ain’t. Or at least, not for most of the models we feature here on TFP.
Hard though it may be, though, those girls have it easy compared to the brave gentlemen chosen – or perhaps “sacrificed” would be a better word here? – to model the KTZ Winter 2011 collection. These poor guys just never stood a chance. Faced with such a startlingly ugly selection of clothing, they did what they had to do and they faced their fate with courage and dignity. We’d like to be able to say “they did it with a smile on their faces”, but, well, that would be a lie. For one thing, they’re MODELS and models DO NOT SMILE. For another, the facial expressions on these guys really say it all, don’t they?
We’d like to award these gentlemen The Fashion Police Medal for Courage in the Face of Adversity and Very Bad Fashion. Here’s why…
(Should you wish to purchase any of these outfits, you can do so here.)
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Style on Trial: ASOS Jacquard Dress With Faux Fur collar
We’re not going to lie to you: we kinda love this. Yes, even although it’s just a tad ridiculous, and wearing it at this time of year would make you look a bit like one of Santa’s little helpers. (Mind you, wearing it at any OTHER time of year would make you look like one of Santa’s little helpers who got lost, so if ever there was a time to wear a dress like this, now would be that time.) Imagine it in red, if you don’t know what we’re talking about here.
What do you think? Cute or costumey? Crime or Damn Fine?
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Style on Trial: Noomi Rapace mixes spots and stripes at the premiere of Sherlock Holmes
If you read fashion blogs at all, you’ll know that it’s all about the pattern-mixing these days. Pattern-mixing is edgy and unexpected and doesn’t look at all like you just threw on any old thing and called it FASHUN. Or that’s the theory, anyway. We’re not huge fans of it, but that’s because we’re fat and old, and don’t understand fashion, obviously.
That said, if patterns must be mixed, we think spots and stripes are one of the easiest combinations, and also one of the ones least likely to make you look like you did a Supermarket Sweep through the local Goodwill, and just threw on every thing you could find.
Here’s Swedish actress Noomi Rapace putting that theory to the test at the Sherlock Holmes premiere earlier this month. Her dress combines a polka dot bodice with a stripey skirt, and we need to know what you think of it. We think that either of these patterns on their own might have been a bit much, but are they any better together? Tell us…
Innocent or Guilty?
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Wear or Die: Ugly Dress Edition
As it’s Friday, what better way to spoil everyone’s good mood than with a quick game of Wear or Die?
For those of you just joining us, here’s a quick rundown of how it works:
1. The Fashion Police have selected two items of clothing for you (above).
2. You must choose one of them to wear.
3. You must wear the item exactly as it’s shown in the image: so no “wearing something/under it” or doing anything to radically change its appearance. Sorry.
4. Death is not an option.
And with that out of the way, we invite you to make your choice between the two dresses we’ve picked out for you: the sheer, Comme des Garcons creation on the left (why, yes, it DOES look like the model isn’t wearing any underwear: fancy that!) or the pieced-together mess of a dress by Maison Martin Margiela on the right. (And oh yeah, SHE doesn’t seem to be wearing much either, poor thing!).
So, which will you choose?
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Clothes With Faces: ‘Sad Shorts’ by Alexander Wang
Can you see it?
Can you see it NOW?
More to the point, can you UN-see it? Nope, didn’t think so.
Alexander Wang, we herby find you guilty of making these shorts sad. We sentence you to wear these shorts for the rest of your life. OK, for a week: we think that would be punishment enough, don’t you?
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