| | Monthly Archives: November 2011Leggings Are Not Pants: a reminder | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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(Look, we included an animal ear hat just for you! You’re welcome!)
We should probably have included some kind of migraine-warning with this post, shouldn’t we?
Our apologies if you’re currently seeing stars, as opposed to rainbows, but you may as well get used to it: our officers are reporting a big increase in the number of rainbow-coloured fashion items they’ve been spotting on their patrols, and while it’s possibly too soon to call it a “trend”, it’s getting there.
So far, Henry Holland and Christopher Kane seem to be the leaders of this movement, but it probably won’t be long before the high street catches on, and suddenly the world starts to look like bad, Saturday morning children’s TV. All of those primary colours can be dangerous, you know…
So, how do you wear these clothes without looking clownish? Well, we honestly wouldn’t bother, to be perfectly honest with you, but if you must, we’d say moderation is the key. Narrow stripes of colour are easier to wear and less childish than wide ones, and rainbow-coloured accessories as the cheat’s way including lots of colours without looking like they fell into a paintbox.
What do you think of rainbow-coloured clothing, Fashion Police jurors? Is it guilty or innocent of committing crimes of fashion?
Product details:
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Miranda Kerr
Last night, celebrities got all dressed up and attended a gala event in New York, to honour Spanish director, Pedro Almodovar. Good for them. But what were they wearing, and what do the Fashion Police jurors think of it? Take a look a the gallery to find out…
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Dammit! Now why couldn’t we have discovered this dress BEFORE Halloween rather than after it?
To be completely honest, we’ve never really trusted maxi dresses. In the right hands, they can look fantastic. In the wrong ones, however, they can make the wearer look like an extra in a costume drama.
We don’t really need to tell you which type of hands this dress has been left in, do we?
(Clue: the WRONG hands. Oh yes.)
There’s nothing good about this look. The severe neckline combined with the long sleeves, harsh, head-to-toe black and scraped-back hair, all combine to make this poor model look like the evil governess in a gothic novel. If you don’t believe us, when you go to bed tonight, switch off the light, close your eyes, then imagine her standing at the foot of your bed, watching you. And if THAT doesn’t scare you, perhaps the price tag will: $1,540, anyone?
We’re curious, though? Where would you wear something like this? HOW would you wear it? Normally we’d suggest adding some bright accessories to lighten things up, but this one has us beat: we can’t really imagine how you could wear it and NOT look like you were going to a funeral in 1856. (Or, you know, some other time: back off, History Police!)
Any suggestions?
(Click here for the product page.)
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Quick question, jurors:
$300 canvas shoppers: where do you stand on them?
We get that canvas shoppers can be handy. For, you know, groceries, and trips to the beach, and other such affairs. And we get that they can be cute, and funny, and, dare we say it, quirky. (We feel dirty now.) We know that Anya Hindmarch, in particular, is beloved by the fashion world, and possessed of an extraordinary ability to convince people that her canvas tote bags are worth paying $295 for, like the one shown above.
Are they, though?
We’re going to go with a big fat NO. Because, honestly, we could buy lots of pairs of shoes for that. Or a really good quality leather handbag. And we can pick up canvas totes almost anywhere, for a few pounds at most – or sometimes even free, when summer rolls around and magazines start giving the things away.
What do you think, though? Do you want to drop $300 on a canvas bag? (Note: IT’S DESIGNER.)
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The Fashion Police’s undercover officers are infiltrating fashion retailers around the country in order to bring you honest, unbiased reviews of the clothing and footwear they find there. Today, they visit Kurt Geiger to investigate a pair of polka dot pumps…
Officer: Chief of Police Forever Amber
Item:
KG by Kurt Geiger ‘Kiki’ platforms, £59 via Idealo.co.uk
Sizing:
True to size – my usual size fit fine. The 5.11″ heel is not for amateur heel-wearers, and puts the foot at a fairly steep angle. It is, however, balanced out a little by the small platform, so they shouldn’t be a problem for seasoned stiletto fans.
Quality:
As you’d expect from Kurt Geiger. These have a satin upper, which will require a little more care than leather – i.e. they won’t stand up to a trip through a muddy puddle, but as they’re really intended for evening wear (although I’d personally wear them any time), that shouldn’t pose too much of a problem. They’re well made, though, and more comfortable than you’d expect from a heel of this height, which is generally a sign of a well-made shoe. They’re also less shiny than they appear in these photos – the flash was bouncing off the satin a bit here!
Officer’s comments:
This isn’t, technically speaking, a “fitting room” review, as these shoes were sent to me by Idealo.co.uk to review in the comfort of the Fashion Police HQ, where we were able to give them a more thorough road-test than an actual fitting room would allow. I’m pleased to say they passed the test: I generally find Kurt Geiger shoes to be to true to size, and they’re one of the brands I have no hesitation ordering online, knowing that my usual size will normally fit. That turned out to be the case with these, and as noted above, they’re more comfortable than you’d expect from a heel of this height, although you’re obviously not going to be running any marathons in them. They’re extra-girlie, with the combination of bows and polka dots being particularly hard for this officer to resist. These are down to £59 in the Kurt Geiger sale, and you can click here to compare prices at Idealo, or take a look at some more photos in the gallery below.
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As regular readers know, an angel dies every time someone wears clumpy shoes or peep toe boots on the red carpet. We know it’s unfair, but look, we don’t make the rules here, we just report them. And boy, but Rosanna Arquette has some angel blood on her hands tonight…
Rosanna “Angel Killer” Arquette was appearing at the MOCA Gala (the MOCA being the Museum of Contemporary Art) in LA this weekend.We had hoped for an interesting event, fashion-wise, as some of our suspects tend to take the view that ART= EXCUSE TO DRESS STRANGELY WITH IMPUNITY, but as it turns out, there was a LOT of black, and only a few things worth writing home about. We present the evidence in the gallery below: feel free to tell us whether they’re guilty or innocent of committing crimes of fashion!
THE SUSPECTS:
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Remember Holiday Sweaters? Here, let us remind you:
This kind of thing, yes?
Until recently, holiday sweaters were the preserve of those poor unfortunates who were given one as a gift, and forced to wear it, lest they cause offence. Oh, and the Cosby family, obviously.
Now, however, the humble holiday sweater is having a fashion renaissance, which means that this Christmas it’s going to be hard to tell the fashion victims from those rather earnest souls who wear light-up earrings in the shape of reindeer and drape pieces of tinsel around themselves in a bid to look “festive”. Or maybe not, because the new generation of holiday sweater is at least a little less garish, and a little more stylish than the ones of old. Witness:
Moschino, $875
Markus Lupfer, $480
Stella McCartney, $1,145
Markus Lupfer, $475
Aubin & Wills, $375
At these prices, we think it’s time to persuade granny to get the knitting needles out…
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