Adult Onesies: the ultimate roundup

If there’s one thing we’ve learned in the long year’s we’ve been Fashion Policing, it’s this: people love adult onesies. LOVE them. Seriously, you guys just can’t get enough of giant babygrows. We’re not saying you’re wearing them out of doors – not YET, anyway – but any post we write on the subject of adult onesies will normally elicit a bunch of comments which include frequent use of the phrase “But they’re so comfy!” As we believe that what people choose to wear in the comfort of their own home is no business of ours anyway, we will refrain from pointing out that this is exactly how people try to defend Crocs, too, and simply provide you with our ultimate list of Adult Onesies…

Adult Onesies: The Roundup

Argyle print adult onesieArgyle print adult onesie.

OK, we promised ourselves we wouldn’t make fun of these, but seriously: who’d want to sleep with this dude?

Adult onesies for couplesOh. OK.

You know, they look so happy in their adult onesies that it’s really hard to hate them, isn’t it?

Happy couple in adult onesiesOr maybe not.

Still, it’s impossible to imagine them having sex, isn’t it? (Not that we were trying to, you understand…)

Adult onesies with teddy bear printEspecially when they wear the ones(ies) with teddy bears all over them.

We know what you’re thinking, though. They look comfortable and all, but wouldn’t it be a bit inconvenient if you had to go to the bathroom?

Well, not really, no:

Drop-seat adult onesie with duck printMeet the drop-seat adult onesie. We love this model for trying to look sexy while wearing a pink onesie covered in ickle duckies.

Surely there must be adult onesies for the cool kids, though, we hear you ask?

Why, yes, now you come to mention it:

Cool dudes in adult onesiesWho could forget the Uni-Lazy?

(Answer: you can’t. We’ve tried.)

You’ll note that the wearers of the Uni Lazy are out in public in their adult onesies. We’re going to pretend we didn’t see that. For now.

There’s also the Forever Lazy:

Forever Lazy Adult OnesieIts makers were too lazy to come up with a wide range of patterns, so you just get three “stylish” colours. It’s the little black dress of adult onesies, only not really.

Adult onesies also make excellent Halloween costumes:

Adult onesies make excellent Halloween costumesYou’ll be beating off prospective suitors all night, we promise.*

Adult Onesie Halloween CostumesBefore you leave you to digest all of this, we just want to end this post with a warning: adult onesies may cause their wearers to adopt ridiculous poses:

Frog print adult onesiesYou will be powerless to resist this:

Blue adult onesieYou’ll also lose every ounce of sex appeal you ever had:

Adult onesie = no sex appealBUT – and it’s a very big “but”, people – you’ll be SO! COMFY!

So wear them and enjoy.

 

*No you won’t.

16 Comments

  • October 27, 2011

    Nell

    hahaha… I have a confession to make. My fiance and I own ‘hin-n-hers’ adult onesies… BUT we only got them for a fancy dress thing we went to, and that was at a music festival… To our eternal shame we were photographed by the local press, and appeared in a local free magazine…. I only hope that you will be lenient on me and my bloke, our actions were inexcusable, but officer: we’ve learned our lesson! Please don’t put us behind bars in that fetching stripey jumpsuit (or super-tight onesie?) you showed us a couple of days back… We promise to dress better from now on.

  • October 27, 2011

    Nell

    Should say our onesies are giant monkey suits from Primarche… http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Mens-Adult-All-One-Monkey-Sleepsuit-Romper-Onesie-Pyjamas-Primark-S-M-L-XL-/270838203033?_trksid=p4340.m185&_trkparms=algo%3DDLSL%252BSIC.NPJS%26its%3DI%26itu%3DUCI%252BUA%26otn%3D10%26pmod%3D180699216012%252B180699216012%26po%3D%26ps%3D63%26clkid%3D3772497793712486437
    (sorry if this gets in your spam filter…)

  • October 27, 2011

    Andreea Irene via Facebook

    bye bye, morning sex :D

  • October 27, 2011

    Andreea Irene via Facebook

    bye bye, morning sex :D

  • October 27, 2011

    Julie

    People are actually wearing this ?! I’ve never heard of it in France.

  • October 28, 2011

    Rudi

    Eh.. I’ve already taken to sleeping in a hoodie and socks – aren’t these basically the same thing?

  • October 28, 2011

    jeans

    I bought an adult onesie with sock monkey feet just to make my son crack up. He was 5 and LOVED his onesie pajamas. I have never worn mine for longer than 10 minutes, or until people stop laughing.

  • October 28, 2011

    Katt

    I hated onesies when I was 6, and I hate them now. They’re effing hot, people. Everything is covered. Good luck trying to push up the sleeves, especially since the cuffs are so tight they cut off blood flow in your arms when you do push them up. Your feet are covered too. How are you supposed to ventilate?? They are ugly as sin and hot as a toaster oven. I hate hate HATE them!

    • October 28, 2011

      The Fashion Police

      Yes! I was once given one for Christmas and wore it to bed that night… Now, I live in Scotland, and it was December, so it was absolutely freezing outside, and I’m someone who tends to feel the cold, too, but even I couldn’t sleep in that thing – it was like being in a sauna!

  • October 28, 2011

    Ashley

    You know, as much as I love reading about all these terrible fashions.. I miss posts about cute things. Dress of the day for instance, I miss that so much! I would just really love to see some posts about new clothes that readers actually want to wear instead of every post being like this one.. Oh look how ugly this is! I’m sooo tired of seeing the ugly things!

    • October 28, 2011

      The Fashion Police

      Sorry you feel that way, Ashley: we are a blog about ugly fashion, though – that’s the whole purpose of the site :)

  • October 29, 2011

    ashley rockin

    bye bye mrning sex it has come back they really might be more attracted to esach other and might end up going on hot and heavy whith each other

  • October 30, 2011

    The Fashion Police

    Message for the adult onesie retailer who has been repeatedly spamming this thread: you’ve now been blocked from commenting. If you wish to advertise on this site, I’m afraid you’ll have to buy an advert – we don’t tolerate spammers here.

  • November 1, 2011

    Rock Hyrax

    It didn’t work – we still reached 7 billion…

  • January 1, 2012

    Asxetos Asetilas

    Footed pajamas is so cute!!!

  • January 19, 2012

    Bo

    If this becomes a thing people will wear outside, I will initiate a new 9-11.