Adult Onesie, Crimes of Fashion, Dresses

Modelling is Hard: Sack Dress Edition

Yellow sack dress with floral print

We know what you’ll say to this.

“But, Fashion Police!” you’ll say. “You could belt it! And wear it with different shoes! Maybe a leather jacket or something to toughen it up. It could all be OK!”

But the fact is, they DIDN’T belt it. Or put the model in different shoes. Or “toughen it up”. And it’s NOT OK. It’s very much NOT OK. And all of the objections you can think of will simply boil down to “if it looked completely different, in every possible way, THEN it might work”. Meanwhile, this poor model is suffering, and no one – not even The Fashion Police – can help here.

Her torment didn’t end with the dress, either:

Model in brown, baggy jumpsuitThere was also this jumpsuit.

Angels died when she slipped her feet into those clodhopper shoes. And a part of US died when we realised that people might pay $825 to look like this. (And that “onesie” is now written as “onesy”, according to Opening Ceremony.)

Shapeless jumpsuit with pussybow necklineYES, it DOES make you look a bit hippy. NO, the pussybow neck doesn’t add a touch of femininty: you still look like you raided the Telletubbies’ winter wardrobe. Still, at least the worst is over, yes?

Model in sack dressOh.

We obviously don’t understand because we’re fat. Or something.

These are all by Suno, and are available for really quite heartbreakingly extortionate amounts of money at Opening Ceremony. If you can make them look good, then more power to you.

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