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[All images: PRPhotos.com]
Zac Posen, Spring 2012. So much eye candy. So much to love. So many reasons to wish we could keep all (or, OK, most) of these dresses at the Fashion Police HQ, and force the fashion criminals we arrest to wear them. Sure, it would technically be rewarding bad behaviour, but how else will they learn?
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[All images: PRPhotos.com]
New York Fashion Week is almost over, which is good news for us, because it means we can soon stop feeling guilty about not really caring enough. We tend to adopt a “What happens on the runway, stays on the runway,” rule for Fashion Week: in other words, until the garment actually goes into production, and starts showing up in stores, and on people who AREN’T being paid to strut down a runway in them, our officers don’t really concern themselves too much with any crimes being committed.
All of that said, sometimes we do enjoy the spectacle, so here’s the Derek Lam Spring 2012 collection: enjoy!
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“Hi, Fashion Police readers, it’s Christina Hendricks’ breasts here.
We don’t know how to thank you. Just yesterday, we were on the point of giving up completely. There we were, the helpless prisoners of that satin dress: held down and trapped in its death-like grip. We were doing our best to break free – in fact, we’d made it almost as far as Christina’s chin – but we could get no further. And honestly, everyone was pointing and staring, and we just felt STUPID, really. “When will she stop doing this?” we asked each other. “We know we’re SUPER AWESOME and all, but there’s more to Christina than just us. When will she realise that she doesn’t HAVE to get us out every chance she gets? WHEN?”
Anyway, it was your words that finally set us free. “Christina Hendricks’ bosom looks ridiculous,” said Nina. “Sometimes less is more,” agreed Sima. “My boobs are feeling sympathy pain just looking at her poor squashed girls,” said Zoe. And somehow, SOMEHOW the message got through, because here’s Christina at an event last night, and LOOK! You can’t even see us, can you? We were so comfortable under that black turtleneck, we can’t even tell you! And sure, some other parts of Christina were complaining BITTERLY about this look, but sure, you can’t have everything, can you?
Love,
Christina Hendricks’ breasts
[Image: Fame Pictures]
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Nicki Minaj is still using New York Fashion Week as opportunity to market herself as having an “interesting” fashion sense. In a move clearly designed to get everyone talking about her, here she is doing the “Look! So zany! So wacky!” thing by matching her shoes to her body suit thing, to her hair. (Note: Matching your shoes to your hair is generally going to end badly. Just FYI.) The problem is, it’s working. Well, here WE are, talking about her. Damn, we walked right into the trap!
It’s a vicious fashion circle, this one. The more they dress strangely, the more attention they get, and the more attention they get, the more they dress strangely… and so the cycle continues. What Nicki here will have to beware of, though, is something we call The Gaga Effect. The Gaga Effect basically states that after a certain amount of “OMGCRAZY!” dressing, interest will suddenly and dramatically tail off, as everyone become desensitised to the strangeness, and starts saying, “Well, if it was someone else it would be shocking, but that’s what you expect from Nicki Minaj, isn’t it?” And before you know it, the would-be wacky dresser is being carried into venues inside a giant egg in order to keep the shock value going. Tragic.
Seriously, this outfit already seems pretty ordinary compared to THIS one, doesn’t it? And yet, imagine if Victoria Beckham wore it! Or Sarah Jessica Parker. Or almost ANYONE other than Nicki, Gaga or Rihanna, who should really look into starting their own gang. They could call it the Wacky Dressers Club, and they could swap tips on how to try and shock people with clothes, even although no one is even remotely shocked any more. Katy Perry could be in it, too. Think about it: it would keep them busy at least. That has to be worth something, no?
Our tip: really interesting dressers don’t have to rely on shock value to get their photos taken. Let this be a warning to you all. But especially you, Nicki Minaj.
[Image: Fame Pictures]
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At first we thought this was one of Disney’s Evil Queens (or maybe a good one, let’s not judge), but nope, it’s Kirstie Alley, making her modelling debut at the age of 60, on the Zang Toi runway at New York Fashion Week. Yes, we know, it IS a bit odd, isn’t it?
Of course, we’re all for designers using women of all ages, and all body shapes on the runway. Kirstie Alley wasn’t quite what we had in mind there, but hey, it’s a start. (Although we somehow doubt all the “real” women out there will be drawing inspiration from this particular look for Spring 2012…)
[Image: PRPhotos.com]
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It’s Wear or Die time again! And we think we know which way you’ll jump this time, but God knows, you’ve surprised us before, so the only thing that’s certain about this game is that nothing is certain. And that ugly clothes will definitely be involved.
Today’s choice involves two pairs of shorts: on the left, Bless’s crochet shorts, and on the right, Topshop’s cable wool shorts. You, readers, must wear one of these items. If you don’t, you must die. And actually, in this game death is not an option, so basically you’re stuck with the shorts, sorry.
Which would you choose?
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Sometimes the items we arrest are large, in-your-face fashion criminals: the kind of items of clothing which no one could possibly miss, were you to walk down the street in them. And sometimes they’re smaller, more subtle details, which still make us do a double take and wonder if some designer is trying to mess with us again.
This ear ring by Calourette falls into the latter category. Yes, those are two ears on the front. No, we can’t really think of a less likely object to put on a piece of jewellery. Well, have YOU ever looked in the mirror and thought to yourself: you know what this outfit needs? An extra pair of EARS! Because the two I have on my head just AREN’T ENOUGH. (If you have, you actually sound like the kind of person we’d love to have a drink with sometime. We bet you have some stories to tell…)
The fact that this ring is relatively small and unobtrusive, however, makes us see it almost as a Fashion Criminal badge of honour: a secret signal by which fashion criminals will be able to recognise each other, even if they’re not committing any obvious crimes in the rest of their outfit that day. It’s like the Peep Toe Boot Rule, only much more subtle.
Want to join the club? It’s £99 and you can click here to buy it at ASOS.
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